AboutLucille Zimmerman Expertise I can answer questions related to childhood sexual abuse, specifically the ways it negatively
impacts a person emotionally.
Experience For two years I have led a weekly support group for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
Organizations American Association of Christian Counseling, American Psychological Association, EMDRIA
Publications Several newspaper articles. I am now working on a book with an agent.
Education/Credentials Master of Arts in Counseling
Awards and Honors Maintained a 3.95 GPA in graduate school
Past/Present Clients I have worked with clients who have Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously called multiple personality disorder) due to post-traumatic stress surrounding childhood sexual abuse. I have spent lots of time with this type of clientele
Question I was molested as a child. Let me say that there was never penetration. Example, I would wake up and a penis would be in my face, I learned what ejaculation was, oral sex, would masterbate in front of me. This happened from the time I was 8 to 14 years old. It happened with my uncle by marriage and his brother( I lived with my aunt and the brother lived with us also. I thought that this didn't have the greatest impact on me, but I find I can't orgasm with oral sex and certain things really get to me. Let me also say that as a young lady that when a male would try anything and I would say no if they persisted I would eventually give in. I figured thats what happened when I was young and if I gave in at least I could get away. Obviously, that in itself just makes you feel lousy and have low self-esteem because you feel as if you didn't stand up for yourself. Anyway, do children who are molested tend to be enablers for people? I have had 3 relationships( one for six years, one for a year, and am currently married and we have been together for 8 years) they have all been people who had hard lives or been cheated on, etc. I always thought I could show them that life can be great when you have someone who loves you, supports you, is there for you,etc. However; all of them have become jealous, controlling and abusive mentally, physically and one sexually( my husband). This is beginning to really take a toll on me. I find my husband doing things to me when he thinks I am sleeping and it makes me sick and reminds me of what happened when I was small. I don't even want him to touch me anymore. He doesn't realize I know this is happening and since we have been having some issues and he feels he is losing control the episodes are getting more frequent. I have two young daughters and this scares me because I worry if he does that to me would he do that to them. I must say I always stress over anything happening to them also. I also know the environment isn't the best for them and I wouldn't want them to have a spouse like mine. My mom and dad didn't raise me either and I know this is part of the problem because I want them to have their mom and dad, but is it worth the risk? Also, he has three other children he doesn't see hardly or support hardly so why is it so hard to pick up and leave??? Any thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening. God bless.
Answer Have you ever seen a counselor. It's hard to pick emotionally healthy people when you're broken. Not broken permanently, but when you still don't understand fully what the sexual abuse did to you.
There are counselors who specialize in childhood sexual abuse. I won't strongly suggest you start seeing one and that you even find a support group. You can do an internet search for "group support" and the town where you live.
What you and your husband have is not intimacy. It is a violation that he is doing this to you while you sleep. That cannot feel safe. If I were you, I would sleep in a different room unless he stops!
The two of you would benefit from a couples counselor and find out why your marriage lacks emotional intimacy.
I would certainly make sure your daughters are safe. Typically, those who are molested as youngsters hold more anger towards the non-offending parent who didn't protect them. Since you have been surrounded by perpetrators, it increases the likelihood that someone will molest them. Please make sure they are safe. As you know, the affects of sexual abuse are lifelong. They ruin your personal boundaries, create shame, and cause grown children to feel worthless.
