Expert: Kim - 9/23/2009

Question
Hi, My name is Danielle Bell and I just turned 18 and my past has finally caught up with me. For the past 11 years of my life I have been lying to myself, to my friends, and to my family. I shut out the bad part of my life and now i cant block it anymore. When I was a little girl around the age of 7 I was molested by one of the students that went to the SEI inc center here in Portland, OR. My dad brought him around the house a lot so I was used to him coming over a lot. I'm just tired of being afraid of getting close to people and letting them in. It takes me an extra effort to let people to get close. Theres like a war going inside of me and my thoughts aren't clear, i'm constantly confused, and my emotions are all mixed up. I just don't know how to deal with it.

Answer
Danielle,

I understand what you are saying, completely, and it’s so frustrating.  You say that it is finally catching up to you, so does that mean you are starting to feel things for someone else and fear them? Or does that mean you are being haunted?
Did you ever receive therapy or counseling of any kind for what you endured? I ask this, because if you haven’t you may consider it now, because this is not something that can or will heal on its own. You need just a little guidance that can help you sort through the feelings, the emotions and that can help you start to first trust yourself, to feel comfort with yourself so that you can feel safe and have comfort with others.  This is where the phrase “you must love yourself before you can love someone else” comes in. It is absolutely true. Now since you are eighteen you can seek out help on your own.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this Danielle, if you need help locating help near you, you can go to www.rainn.org go to “get help” then go to “find a local counseling center” and enter in your state and or zip code the site can help you find a place near you.  Also you may find support groups helpful.  Online support networks via Livejournal or even Facebook. And by all means, reach out to people close to you for their support now.

I wish you all the best,
Kim