Rape Counseling/post-rape rage
College student wrote at 2010-09-12 22:01:05
I want you to know you're not alone. I used to be happy, care-free, affectionate... I have now pushed everybody out of my life and continue to sabatoge new relationships if they don't fit in with my now controlled way of living. I control everything around me hoping that that will keep me safe. I'm angry at everyone, even if they don't do anything to me but especially if they don't understand me. Its been five years. I'm tired of being either alone, or constantly arguing with the person currently in my life.
I also have no money for professional help. I just keep hoping that by surviving everything will work itself out...
Best of luck
Kath wrote at 2011-03-03 22:29:06
Hi, a lot of what you wrote is the reality I am living now also...so my heart goes out to you. I've just come in from walking to try and channel some of my rage in a different direction, but when I'm out I'm afraid that it could just totally fly out of control if anyone on the street hassled me. I too put on lots of weight to try and keep people away, and I pretty much totally disowned my body and my femininity as it didn't feel safe to have them. My rape happened 20 years ago when I was 16, and I couldn't deal with it or tell anyone back then so I totally repressed it....and went on being a 'good' and 'considerate' and caring girl....helping everyone else with their problems. I repressed it all so well that I wasn't even aware of the massive effect it had had on me until a year or so ago when the whole experience surfaced again. The feeling of terror has been massive, I've not felt safe anywhere. I too have had PTSD-type symptoms. I have CFS too now from burning out...the hyper-vigilance really wears me out.
I have only just recently uncovered my rage...which is massive. I was drugged and only gained consciousness a couple of times while it was happening, so I didn't get the opportunity to fight or run or anything. I have extra rage that he took any chance of reaction away from me. I am trying to work with all the feelings as best I can...but it is really difficult and I am getting some counselling from a local charity who help people who have been raped or abused.
I guess this isn't really giving you much in the way of an answer, but I hope you will take it as an offering from someone who has some idea about where you are coming from. I truly hope you are getting the help and support you need now to heal.
Love and strength to you
xxcrimsonxregretxx wrote at 2013-03-26 00:41:38
i am going through the exact same thing that you described. i struggle to manage anxiety and rage and i feel like trash and i was angry with God. but just be aware that this has NOTHING to do with God... this entire event was precipitated, conceived, and executed by the devil. sometimes the devil does things to try and shake our faith... i know that God is hopeful for you and you said you feel like trash, but remember, you did not ask or consent to this... i know that you can overcome this, you were strong enough to ask for help and the first step is always the hardest. a lot of major cities provide free and confidential sexual assault counselling and there are also usually crisis lines as well. my psychiatrist said that the only way to fully recover from a trauma this severe is rape counselling. its not going to be easy at first but dont give up because it will help you in the long run. i wish you all the best. healing will come, just be patient. and know that God is waiting when you are ready to re explore your faith...