Expert: Bailey - 10/25/2006

Question
Thank you for your response.  I am in the process of receiving counseling and I am sure everything will come to surface.  However, now when I do talk about the rape it is only to help others, but usually this is done with as little emotion as possible or I make a smart arse comment about it.  I don't remember much about the rape, just mostly that it happened.  This is due to a serious head injury later in life; in fact, I don't remember a lot of things, will this change with the counseling?
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The text above is a follow-up to ...

-----Question-----
I was gang raped when I was 15, I am now 39.  I have never really thought much about it, I learned my lesson-never to get into a car with strangers, especially ones that have been drinking.  I know it was not my fault-no means no and they did not see it that way.  I am now in the first stages of counseling for dealing with bi-polar and at the intake the worker asked me questions about my rape-the question that keeps coming back to me is HOW does one deal with rape? rape happened...it was not my fault.  Before going further, you should know that I did not tell anyone or report it, and now that I am thinking about it I am really upset.
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Hi Becky,
 The first step in dealing with rape trauma is to realize that this is not your fault. You seem to have achieved this realization, so the next good thing to do would be counseling. I would recommend seeing a counselor who specializes specifically in sexual assault counseling since they are trained to help you with the specific feelings that arise out of being sexually assaulted. Most rape victims do not report it for a variety of reason. Many others never tell anyone. It's not an easy thing to talk about for most people, so this is understandable. How you deal with rape is going to be dependent on the individual, as everyone has different ways of dealing with things. Counseling is perhaps the most successful and is what I would recommend given that if the counseling does not work for you, your counselor would probably be able to lead you to other resources that could. I wish you the best.
-Bailey


Answer
Hi Becky,
 I'm glad that you are receiving counseling for this and I wish you the best with that. Many people find that talking about their rape in an effort to help others, also helps themselves. Whether or not your memory comes back will have a lot to do with the type of head injury you suffered. Counseling can help you recover memories that you have pushed away as a result of them being too traumatic. This is pretty common with rape, and once you begin talking about it with your counselor, you may remember things that you have forgotten. Not being able to remember will not effect the counseling. You still know that it happened, and your counselor can help you sort through any feelings that you now have about it. I hope this helps and if you have anything else, feel free to ask.
-Bailey