Rape Counseling/helping a spouse


Hi my my girlfriend was raped about 8 months ago just before I started going out with her but i think shes really starting to have trouble with the whole thing every time we get close to or start to have sex she starts having "flashbacks" (for lack of a better word) she relates almost every time we have sex back to that incident and I'm really starting to get worried should i stop having sex with her ??? she is doing it mainly to make me happy but i can't seam to convey to her that I'm perfectly happy without doing that i just want her to be happy and to heal thats whats top on my list but I'm not so sure about how to go about helping that along I'm new at the helping someone with these kind of issues and some one on one q & a would be really helpful. are the rape counseling hot lines going to be able to help me with my problem much ? or am i best to try and find somewhere else ... any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You


She probably very much wants to be with you, but, just canít emotionally, physically, and sexually stay in the moment. Her trauma is too great and she needs help with that. I recommend counseling and yes, www.rainn.org can offer both of you help, by helping you locate counseling in your area.

She needs to be grounded. She needs to be brought back to you; someone that she knows wonít hurt her. You can have a healthy sexual relationship, but sheíll need a little help to get there.

I wish you both all the best,

Rape Counseling

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




I am a survivor. I know what itís like to be the victim. I am now a Sexual Assault Victimís Care Advocate. I have been certified as such since November 2000. I am currently a student who is specializing in trauma and abuse and the associated disorders and illnesses.


I am a survivor. So, I not only have book smarts but, personal experience with what rape is and how much it affects the victim and his or her loved ones.

I am working on my Master's in Psychology specializing in trauma and abuse. I am in addition working on two associate degrees in Social Work and Women and Gender studies.

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.