AboutStephen Sakellarios Expertise I can answer questions about reincarnation (from both Eastern and Western perspectives) and life after death, and how these topics relate to religion and spirituality.
Experience
I produced a documentary entitled "In Another Life: Reincarnation in America" which aired on PBS station KBDI in Denver, CO, Jan. 2003
I have a masters in counseling from FSU, and over thirty years' study of Eastern mysticism from carefully selected sources, plus eight years' study of contemporary Western reincarnation studies. I've published nine related articles online and in print. I offer an online class on the subject and maintain an extensive educational website at www.ial.goldthread.com, as well as giving talks and radio interviews (archived on the website).
Question QUESTION: Hi,
I have a very close friend who is older than me who I met through e-mail on a message board. Since then we have met in person and become best friends. I have always felt an extremely close connection to her and I don't know why. We fight like crazy and I am always ready to end the relationship as I feel we are just to toxic for each other.
But when we are not speaking I feel the same as when I'm fighting with my Mom. Almost like a part of me is missing when she is not in my life. I'm in my 30's have had MANY friendships and have never had anything like this before. It is not a lesbian type of friendship she is married with kids, it is purely a friendship. I'm very confused by this odd bond we have, esp. since it is mainly through internet and phone. Most of my friends think it's weird. None of this made sense until I read the book Many Lives-Many Masters then I thought, Oh maybe.? Wondering if you had any insight, or maybe it's nothing but a toxic friendship I need to let go of. Thank you so much.
ANSWER: Hi,
One rule of thumb I've developed is that whenever we instinctively use the phrase, "I have always", it probably points to past-life experience. As in, "I have always loved the color blue" or "I have always hated cold water".
Of course, if you ask a chiropractor what the causes of your problems are, he will say it's a chiropractic problem. So if you ask a reincarnationist if it looks like past-life influence, he (or she) will probably say "yes".
In this case, though, I'll say that based on my studies in this field, what you're describing has all the earmarks of a past-life relationship (or several past lives) influencing your present relationship with your friend. It would be typical of a relationship in which the past-life connections were not always harmonious.
Perceived closeness, per se, is, I believe, simply a function of "time logged" in past lives. The more time you've spent with someone, the closer you feel, and in these cases if we have had several lifetimes with a person, we are talking a sum total of hundreds of years. So it's only natural.
You can get a sense of what these lifetimes may have been, by observing your feelings very honestly. What is the underlying feeling-tone of the relationship in different situations--could you summarize it in 2-3 words, or a phrase or in one sentence? You've already given some clues--first, that when you fight it's like fighting with your Mom. Another clue is that it's not like a lesbian relationship, meaning, it doesn't seem to have sexual overtones. So because you are often fighting--because you feel it's toxic at times--this suggests friends in some lives, enemies in other lives, and parent/child in still other lives.
We keep bumping into the same people, partly to resolve things, to "get it right this time". Getting it right may mean different things, depending on the situation and the people involved. So the challenge before you is to determine what "getting it right" would mean in this situation.
I hope this helps clarify things for you a little in terms of reincarnation. Feel free to ask any follow-up questions.
Best regards,
Stephen
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank You so Much! Everything you said feels very much on the mark.
So if I end up letting this 'friendship' go do you think I would just run into another type of these relationships? Am I meant to stick out this relationship and 'get it right this time' with this person. Is that why this person is in my life? I know you don't have the answer, just wondering your 'opinion'. I go back and forth with like and hate strong anger for this person, and like I said I've never been so confused about a relationship before.
Or maybe getting it right would be to let it go? after reading what you said again?
Thank you so much for answering my question, I don't feel as crazy about all this now. Your answer really helped me a lot..
Answer Hi,
Well, that's the kind of thing I can't give a snap answer to. The answer is that probably you already know the answer deep down. You can tease it out of yourself by talking it over at length with a counselor or trusted friend, or you can just try to listen deeply within yourself as to what feels right. There may be something to learn about yourself from the situation. If that's the case, similar situations will probably continue to come up until you learn whatever it is. Definitely, resolving a situation with another person, "getting it right," could mean letting go or not getting into similar situations in the first place, but not always. It takes two to tango--so whether you find you need to let go or not, you may be able to benefit from clearly seeing your own side in it.
Sorry for the non-specific answer, but of course sitting where I am I don't have a specific answer as to what you should do.
