AboutStephen Sakellarios Expertise I can answer questions about reincarnation (from both Eastern and Western perspectives) and life after death, and how these topics relate to religion and spirituality.
Experience
I produced a documentary entitled "In Another Life: Reincarnation in America" which aired on PBS station KBDI in Denver, CO, Jan. 2003
I have a masters in counseling from FSU, and over thirty years' study of Eastern mysticism from carefully selected sources, plus eight years' study of contemporary Western reincarnation studies. I've published nine related articles online and in print. I offer an online class on the subject and maintain an extensive educational website at www.ial.goldthread.com, as well as giving talks and radio interviews (archived on the website).
Question QUESTION: My daugther died all of sudden due to normal fever which was later informed by doctors as brain fever.
As earlier it was said to simple viral fever even now after 20 days of her demise Iam not able to satisfy my self with the cause of the death.
Is this death was pre planned by god.
I want to see my daughter in my dreams, I keep thinking about her day and night but she never comes even to my dreams.Why so.
Some people say only those person come in our dreams who have some desire left during life time or whose soul does not find peace.Is it so.
Iam so confused and not able to find answer to my questions please help me out.
ANSWER: Hi,
I'll try to answer the last part of your question first. People *do* have a visitation of a loved one who has died, in dreams, but usually it happens some months after the death. I can only guess as to the reason why it is usually delayed, but this is what people report. Personally, I think that on the other side, one cannot do exactly as one wishes. There are guides and authorities there, as there are here, and one is allowed to do certain things and not allowed to do other things. There must be rules about when and how often and who one can contact. One reason for this delay may be to help the people on both sides get adjusted to the situation. It has been very recent for you and you are still in turmoil. Your daughter, also, may be going through an "orientation" or an adjustment period.
Now, you ask whether the death was pre-planned by God. That is what they call a "loaded question"--I am kind of circling around it in my mind as if it were a live bomb! One piece of information that is missing is that I don't know your daughter's age. According to some sources, when a person has not quite lived through all the karma they were supposed to finish in one lifetime, they may incarnate again briefly to wrap it up. This means that they will die as a child. In any given lifetime, as I understand it, there is a certain amount of karma allotted to be worked out for that life. When the karma is lived through, the person dies, which means, withdraws from the physical world. I can make broad guesses as to the mechanics of this but I really don't know the specifics. I do know that a person is not just a physical body--the mind, expressing itself through energy, manifests or "dips" into the physical world when a person is born, and then "emerges" out of it when the person dies. Imagine dipping into a pool and coming back out as being born and dying.
And from the perspective of the other side, I think it is that fast. For us, it is a long time--for them, it is like dipping in the pool and coming out. So a childhood death like this means the person took a quick dip in the pool. Not to make what you've experienced into something trivial, but, it is not the physical birth and death that is important, that gives all this importance. It is the *love* you have for your daughter that is important. Love gets mixed up with attachment to having her physically, but they are not really the same thing, and this is important.
I have also lost a child, many years ago, in 1983, so I know what you are going through. I was actually teaching a non-credit course in death and dying at the time at the university I was attending. But it did not help me avoid grief. I went through inner hell just the same, like everybody else.
It is my understanding that everything happens because of God's will for the ultimate good. One can only start to understand this if one has a thorough understanding of reincarnation. Your relationship with your daughter most probably goes back many, many lifetimes; this is just the latest chapter. When you study some of these stories that have been remembered, you begin to see a deeper wisdom in it. I don't dare speculate further; but I have read enough accounts that I trust the ultimate wisdom of the process. Eventually there is a happy ending, guaranteed. You will both see each other in the astral realm after death, or else, you will come together on earth again in this life, possibly, or in a future lifetime.
In short, the two things that are needed are faith and patience. If you want to know "why," then there are good sources on this, and I'd be glad to recommend some, but it takes time and study to understand it deeply. As they say, it "can't be had in a day."
Hang in there and if your grief feels overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek help from a grief counselor. In the U.S., there is a group called Compassionate Friends which was very helpful when my son died. It is made up of parents who have lost a child, helping other parents who lose a child. I don't know if they have chapters in other countries.
Very best wishes,
Stephen
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I really am very thankful to you for such a kind support.
As you have said that there is a information missing about the age of my daughter let me tell you she had completed years on this 27th June,09.
She always used to say that I would become a doctor. Being a working mother I never used to go through the books notebooks but now when i went through her notebooks she has signed in one of her home notebook as Doctor Alisha and has written a very nice poem addressing me.where she has written in its last line that "I promise you Mom I will complete your and my dreams." My mother is so moved that she has full faith that she will come again and is not allowing to give any of her things like her clothes, clips, dolls and toys to any one with a faith she will come again as my child to play again.
My husband's main part of life was my daughter.He is so moved that some time it is so difficult to console him.
pl. help us out I would like to contact the group as mentioned by you but don't know how.
Answer Dear Kavita,
Your daughter does sound like an inspiring young lady. What you say is true, that if dreams are not fulfilled in one life, they will be fulfilled in a future life.
The group I mentioned, Compassionate Friends, can be found at this website:
www.compassionatefriends.org. It appears to have chapters within the United States. However, if you are outside the United States, I would suggest contacting them for information about similar services in your own country. They probably have sister-organizations in other countries.
