Relationship Recovery and Resilience/Fear of another relationship


About 6 years ago I broke up from a relationship that was heading to a marriage soon. I did because I did not want to get married and he would not accept any other option (i.e. living together). I was in my opinion too young, 20, and had let my parents be too involved, so when I broke up they sided him. Even worse, to cut things quicker I made sure to not argue and take over all the blames, since I don't have a good reputation when it comes to feelings and good manners I thought that would be easy. It was easy in fact and for some time every single person around me was shooting blames to the only obvious one at fault, me. No one recognized that we shared faults, as rarely one is completely right and the other is completely wrong. People's opinion does not touch me much but I think it marked me, the things that were said to me hurt.
It ended and I decided I would not get into another relationship before I understood what mistakes were done by both parties. It has been 6 years now, my ex is married and has a daughter. Even if I know it was not all my fault I feel sort of 'released' from the responsibility I had in the break up, I mean he is happy now so all is ok. He's got a life and I can get one back too.
I have dated a bit (not much, 2-3 dates a year) but none went too well because I'm most essentially an ice cube.
I date because I think that's the only way to get out of my shell but at the same time I am scared to death that what has happened before will happen again. I sworn I will not let my parents into my relationships any more but I'm still scared. I think people feel a 'don't talk to me' aura around me so all of my dates have been found online before to actually meet up in person. I am not that scared online, and I do not think that is a problem, but being an ice cube is.
It is becoming very difficult to explain, when I go on a date, why I have been alone for the last 6 years. It's hard to explain how a 26 woman hasn't been with anyone since she was 20, they must think I am some sort of freak and I start thinking the same at this point.
So, taking the bull by the horn and dating has not worked, I don't really know what to do with myself any more. Any trick to get over the fear?


The most important thing you can realize about fear is that- If you stay stuck in that mode you will most certainly create the very thing you are a afraid of. Your fear will lead you to act in ways that BLOW UP any relationship or potential relationship.

Stop telling yourself you are a "freak"... Change the story you are telling yourself day in and day out, so that you can rebuild your confidence and eliminate your fears.

Why not tell yourself a story like this, " six years ago a relationship ended. Both of us played a role and I have learned a lot. Moving forward I plan to be cautiously optimitic about finding the love that I deserve."

As long as you keep beating yourself up you are beating yourself down in the process and creating an aura of negative energy around yourself.

I was single for 13 years before I met my husband. That did not make me a freak. The story I told myself was, "I'm a good woman, refusing to settle for an okie doke guy. This will take time and I am committed becoming the best that I can be so I am ready when I meet him."

Change your story and change your's that simple. There are no guarantees in the game of life and love. But if you are good to yourself along the way your chances of coming out a winner are far greater....

Best of luck to you.

Relationship Recovery and Resilience

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Sheila V. Robinson-Kiss


I am qualified to answer any questions related to relationship recovery (Romantic, Family, Work, Friendship etc.) In addition I will answer any question related to the area of cultivating more bounce back and resilience in life. In short my specialty area includes helping people to "Get Over Broken Relationships" and "Get on with Cultivating Healthy Relationships", while growing lasting resilience in all areas life successfully.


Sheila Robinson is a psychotherapist, author, and trainer, with over a decade of experience helping people grow and sustain the necessary tools needed to bounce back from the challenges that life and relationships can present. She has written two books that focus of life/relationship resilience “Getting Over It In Milwaukee” and “STAMINA” . She lives and works in Chicago, IL, providing workshops, therapy, customized trainings, and style-STAMINA sessions.Her mission is to help people around the globe lead more empowered lives through clear thinking, growing resilience skills, creativity, visioning, and the mighty power of the mind. For more information visit

National Association of Social Workers National Association of Behavioral Therapist Toast Masters International The Theosophical Society

Author "Getting Over It In Milwaukee" Author "Stamina"

Master of Social Work - University of Illinois, May 1998 Bachelor of Science in Sociology/ Journalism - Illinois State University, May 1996 Independent Clinical Social Worker - Wisconsin Department of Regulation and Licensing 2000, and Illinois Department of Regulation and Licensing 2003 (Full Certification, 3000+ hours) Future Milwaukee Program - Leadership Milwaukee Program, May 2003

Awards and Honors
• Future Philanthropist of Greater Milwaukee • NADEIS Networking and Delivering Excellence in Services, • University of Illinois Academic Fellowship recipient • Ann Keaton Outstanding Leadership Award

Past/Present Clients
Privacy regulations prevent me from disclosing the names of client's I have worked with in my private practice. Below you will find a partial list of corporate client's I have provided trainings for in the area of workplace relationship development. •American Family Insurance •Boys and Girls Club of America •Legum and Noman •Pearls for Teen Girls •Marquette University •Chicago Housing Authority •Governor’s Council of Wisconsin •Seven Stones Day Spa •Sanofi-Aventis •Social Development Commission •Women’s Center of Waukesha •Pfizer •Children’s Outing Association •Alverno College •Department of Veteran Affairs •Corporation Aurora •Coakley Brothers •YWCA •St. Mary’s Hospital •Milwaukee Health Services •Dakota Intertek Corp. •Village Financial Services •Private Industry Council •Learning Enterprise Academy •Ujima Inc. •Harvest Development Center •Reinhart Boerner Van Deurn SC •University of Wisconsin •Ortho Bio-tech •Novartis •Executive Women International •Lutheran Social Services •Planned Parenthood •Arkles Custom Products •Milwaukee Area Technical College •MCFI •House of Daniel •Roche Pharmaceuticals •McCormack Baron Ragan Corp.

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