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Relationship Recovery and Resilience/My boyfriend has CHANGED so much, I dont know what to do...


My boyfriend (23)and I (27)have been together for 3 and a half years now and have broken up twice with in that time for no more then a month. Our relationship started off really FAST. We met and instantly be came a couple. 2 years in we had our first break up because he hit me, but despite that I still loved him as did he me, so after talking we got back together. Our 2nd break up was 17 days after our 3rd year anniversary. I was shattered. That is when he changed, when he looks at me I see anger when I use to see his heart. Shortly after the New Year we got kicked out of his moms house and in a week had to get out, it was stressful to say the least. Things took a turn for the worst the 2nd week of living out of my car. I was staying at my best friends and he at a mutual friend. That friend & I had a falling out and now I'm not allowed over there , yet I have to go there to pick my boyfriend up to take him to work & drop him off. When I pick him up he always enter the car already pissed off and if I go over a speed bump to fast (to him), or I say something to another drive who is blocking me or if he asks me something & I don't hear him cus the radio is too loud he FLIPS out sometime to the point that he opens the door to get out of the car, but everytime I ask him not and tell him that he is being ridiculous and childish and he stays. Once out and about we are fine things are just like before we laugh, joke around & he tells me he loves me but the second I get close to where I drop him off it changes back. Yes we are back together but he wants it to stay between us until we get our own place. That is because the guy he stays with said if he got back together with me he wouldn't be able to stay there. My boyfriend tells me how everything is my fault & when we talk its his way or no way & I always give in. I have changed so much about myself for him everything that he has ask, to get up & do more for myself, not spend so much time with my best friend, lose weight, show interest in the things he likes like video games and anime,'Swallow' don't be jealous of anyone EVER, but the one thing that I just cant do is not ask him ANY questions. I've been doing everything I can to make him happy, but he wont return it. All he does is says that he cares & loves. Everything is telling me this isn't good but my heart is full of love for him (I love him for everything he is all flaws included) that I cant picture life without him. How do I get him to be apart of this relationship like he once was and that there isn't equality in it anymore... without him walking away and saying he is done with me?


The good news is you are a loyal and devoted girlfriend. The bad news is, your boyfriend does not respect or appreciate this fact.

You sound like a lovely young lady, doing everything under the sun to please this man... and therein lies your problem. Besides that fact that he sounds like an immature man on some level, you've made it easy for him to control you, because you want him in your life so desperately.

Do you realize how vulnerable this make you inside a relationship with a man who is not looking out for your feelings?

I know you'd much rather hear a pretty, delicate answer, but I have to give it to you straight.

You're in love with him and I'm not going to talk you out of it. I do want to shed some light on the inner workings of a man like this. You say to yourself "What more could he want? I'm doing everything he has asked!" He says to himself, " I want more than a woman who will just do everything I ask and let me treat her any kind of way."

You're focused on loving him, and he does not receive your love in the way it is intended. He sees it as a weakness and he is exploiting you and trampling your feelings.

You deserve better and I would prefer you heal yourself, and work on your self-esteem so you can claim it.

I'll bet you a million dollars if you cut this guy off- I mean cold turkey, no calls, no dates, nothing... you would have him eating out of the palm of your hands in a flash.


If you play that game you will keep him in your life, but is it really the life you want? If you can't talk to him and ask questions the relationship is not built on a solid foundation and will crumble anyway. Take control of this situation and walk away- this man is hitting you... anything less will spell the demise of your spirit and erosion of your soul.

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Sheila V. Robinson-Kiss


I am qualified to answer any questions related to relationship recovery (Romantic, Family, Work, Friendship etc.) In addition I will answer any question related to the area of cultivating more bounce back and resilience in life. In short my specialty area includes helping people to "Get Over Broken Relationships" and "Get on with Cultivating Healthy Relationships", while growing lasting resilience in all areas life successfully.


Sheila Robinson is a psychotherapist, author, and trainer, with over a decade of experience helping people grow and sustain the necessary tools needed to bounce back from the challenges that life and relationships can present. She has written two books that focus of life/relationship resilience “Getting Over It In Milwaukee” and “STAMINA” . She lives and works in Chicago, IL, providing workshops, therapy, customized trainings, and style-STAMINA sessions.Her mission is to help people around the globe lead more empowered lives through clear thinking, growing resilience skills, creativity, visioning, and the mighty power of the mind. For more information visit

National Association of Social Workers National Association of Behavioral Therapist Toast Masters International The Theosophical Society

Author "Getting Over It In Milwaukee" Author "Stamina"

Master of Social Work - University of Illinois, May 1998 Bachelor of Science in Sociology/ Journalism - Illinois State University, May 1996 Independent Clinical Social Worker - Wisconsin Department of Regulation and Licensing 2000, and Illinois Department of Regulation and Licensing 2003 (Full Certification, 3000+ hours) Future Milwaukee Program - Leadership Milwaukee Program, May 2003

Awards and Honors
• Future Philanthropist of Greater Milwaukee • NADEIS Networking and Delivering Excellence in Services, • University of Illinois Academic Fellowship recipient • Ann Keaton Outstanding Leadership Award

Past/Present Clients
Privacy regulations prevent me from disclosing the names of client's I have worked with in my private practice. Below you will find a partial list of corporate client's I have provided trainings for in the area of workplace relationship development. •American Family Insurance •Boys and Girls Club of America •Legum and Noman •Pearls for Teen Girls •Marquette University •Chicago Housing Authority •Governor’s Council of Wisconsin •Seven Stones Day Spa •Sanofi-Aventis •Social Development Commission •Women’s Center of Waukesha •Pfizer •Children’s Outing Association •Alverno College •Department of Veteran Affairs •Corporation Aurora •Coakley Brothers •YWCA •St. Mary’s Hospital •Milwaukee Health Services •Dakota Intertek Corp. •Village Financial Services •Private Industry Council •Learning Enterprise Academy •Ujima Inc. •Harvest Development Center •Reinhart Boerner Van Deurn SC •University of Wisconsin •Ortho Bio-tech •Novartis •Executive Women International •Lutheran Social Services •Planned Parenthood •Arkles Custom Products •Milwaukee Area Technical College •MCFI •House of Daniel •Roche Pharmaceuticals •McCormack Baron Ragan Corp.

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