Relationship Recovery and Resilience/Damaged


Hi Shelia,
My question is this, I been involved with this man for a year. Great guy, he's motivated, funny, the works. When I met him he said he didn't want a relationship and that he was "damaged", since then I like to think that we have grown. At times he pulls away a little distant and other time I am really content with how we are together. He has two children from a past relationship, dedicated father (great quality) and I have two children as well from a past marriage. One year one month and I feel like I'm getting to attached. I don't like to bring it up cause I don't want to get rejected. But I pretty much want to know where I stand. How or should I tell him I'm getting attached?
We met before in college didn't give him the time and day (LoL)we met up again and I like the thought of us being and US! He bring up once in a blue moon that I should have never said no in college. Shelia I really like this guy I don't say anything cause I don't want to loose him. Any suggestions?


Ordinarily I'm an advocate for putting it all out on the table...."NOT" in this case. This man had given you some very valuable information , #1 he told you he is damages, #2 he carries some regret that your relationship did not blossom in college.

I have come to understand that when someone thinks of himself as damaged, there is an element of their lives and spirit being held together by a thin 'invisible' thread. It may not take much to cause him to unravel. Your fear that he may reject you if you 'let' all your feelings out is VALID. Listen to your gut instinct. If he has been hurt in the past he no doubt has a concern about being hurt again and losing control in a relationship.

As for your desire to know where you stand. You do know where you stand- You are attached to a man you care for deeply with the hope that the relationship will progress to a deeper committed level. There's nothing wrong with that. This is the natural progression. We are not meant to walk alone.

There is a way to find out where you stand without putting your heart on the line- here it is- The next time you have a quiet evening together lean over and say, "You were right, I passed up a good opportunity when we met in college... for what it's worth I would never do it again, but that ball is in "your" court."

Find your own words, but don't take his power away. The fact of the matter is, the only thing he needs to know is you're inclined to take the relationship to the next level. You're already there. By letting him know in a subtle way that allows him to hold the reigns you will definitely find out where he stands. If he says nothing- you know he is still healing and don't look for much If he says he's ready to move to the next level, it's because he is comfortable enough to do so at this time. In either event you maintain your dignity and your relationship. As a side note if too much time for your comfort passes by before he is willing to take the step, don't allow the situation to drive you crazy. You have a nice fish, but there are other fish in the sea.

Best of luck...

Relationship Recovery and Resilience

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Sheila V. Robinson-Kiss


I am qualified to answer any questions related to relationship recovery (Romantic, Family, Work, Friendship etc.) In addition I will answer any question related to the area of cultivating more bounce back and resilience in life. In short my specialty area includes helping people to "Get Over Broken Relationships" and "Get on with Cultivating Healthy Relationships", while growing lasting resilience in all areas life successfully.


Sheila Robinson is a psychotherapist, author, and trainer, with over a decade of experience helping people grow and sustain the necessary tools needed to bounce back from the challenges that life and relationships can present. She has written two books that focus of life/relationship resilience “Getting Over It In Milwaukee” and “STAMINA” . She lives and works in Chicago, IL, providing workshops, therapy, customized trainings, and style-STAMINA sessions.Her mission is to help people around the globe lead more empowered lives through clear thinking, growing resilience skills, creativity, visioning, and the mighty power of the mind. For more information visit

National Association of Social Workers National Association of Behavioral Therapist Toast Masters International The Theosophical Society

Author "Getting Over It In Milwaukee" Author "Stamina"

Master of Social Work - University of Illinois, May 1998 Bachelor of Science in Sociology/ Journalism - Illinois State University, May 1996 Independent Clinical Social Worker - Wisconsin Department of Regulation and Licensing 2000, and Illinois Department of Regulation and Licensing 2003 (Full Certification, 3000+ hours) Future Milwaukee Program - Leadership Milwaukee Program, May 2003

Awards and Honors
• Future Philanthropist of Greater Milwaukee • NADEIS Networking and Delivering Excellence in Services, • University of Illinois Academic Fellowship recipient • Ann Keaton Outstanding Leadership Award

Past/Present Clients
Privacy regulations prevent me from disclosing the names of client's I have worked with in my private practice. Below you will find a partial list of corporate client's I have provided trainings for in the area of workplace relationship development. •American Family Insurance •Boys and Girls Club of America •Legum and Noman •Pearls for Teen Girls •Marquette University •Chicago Housing Authority •Governor’s Council of Wisconsin •Seven Stones Day Spa •Sanofi-Aventis •Social Development Commission •Women’s Center of Waukesha •Pfizer •Children’s Outing Association •Alverno College •Department of Veteran Affairs •Corporation Aurora •Coakley Brothers •YWCA •St. Mary’s Hospital •Milwaukee Health Services •Dakota Intertek Corp. •Village Financial Services •Private Industry Council •Learning Enterprise Academy •Ujima Inc. •Harvest Development Center •Reinhart Boerner Van Deurn SC •University of Wisconsin •Ortho Bio-tech •Novartis •Executive Women International •Lutheran Social Services •Planned Parenthood •Arkles Custom Products •Milwaukee Area Technical College •MCFI •House of Daniel •Roche Pharmaceuticals •McCormack Baron Ragan Corp.

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