Relationship Recovery and Resilience/Really, really confused.



I'm writing to ask for some advice/perspective on my current situation. Long story short I met this guy at university, we had a relationship for three years and he broke up with me one year ago because he just stopped feeling it. We met up last August/September and since then have been talking and meeting up. When we do we hold hands, kiss and both comment on how good it is to meet up and how much we like it. Two months ago I moved to London with work. He also lives here and we've been meeting up quite often and it's been going really well. We've also started expressing the more 'intimate' side of our feelings for eachother. I thought all was going in the right direction until the other night over diner he randomly slips into conversation that he doesn't think he can have a girlfriend with his job because when he gets home all he wants to do is either crash out or go to the gym. Am i right in thinking where on earth this came from?! Talk about mixed messages?! I haven't brought up the topic of us getting back together at all and so was shocked when he suddenly came out with that. After dinner we then walked for a while and had a passionate kiss and fooled around a little. And we've still been texting all day everyday. He truly is not a guy that only wants one thing, as much as it sounds like it he isn't. I mean what the hell? I've been feeling pretty down ever since and a little annoyed. I think I should have the talk about what's happening between us as as crazy as I am about him I can't just be that girl he meets up with but doesn't have to have the pressures of being in a relationship with. I'm scared that ill get an answer I don't want and a big part of me wants to just go along with things the way they are just so I don't lose what we do have. I know we both still have feelings for eachother. I'm just so confused. And hurt by what he said. I'm just wondering if he needs more time (although we have been at this stage for over 6 months now) or if I should just face it and bring up the dreaded question: where are we? What do you think of the situation.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

All the best


What he said, did not just come out of the blue. It was his way of letting you know where he stands; where his head is at so to speak. In his round about, not so courageous way, he wants you to know he cares about you, is attracted to you, enjoys spending time, and is not ready for a commitment. He's no doubt wondering if you are going to 'call him on' his comment and investigate further or allow the connection to continue on as it is.

If you feel the need for him to be more direct with you, asking straight out will do the trick. If you ask it will likely cue him to create space, as you'll be placing him on notice the arrangement is not all right with you. On a brighter note, if you do not get the result you want at least you can feel proud and look yourself square in the eye each morning, knowing full well you rescued yourself from "being that girl he meets up with but doesn't have to have the pressures of being in a relationship with."

This is not the place for you and don't allow him or anyone else to box you into that position. You deserve much more.

Best to you.

Relationship Recovery and Resilience

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Sheila V. Robinson-Kiss


I am qualified to answer any questions related to relationship recovery (Romantic, Family, Work, Friendship etc.) In addition I will answer any question related to the area of cultivating more bounce back and resilience in life. In short my specialty area includes helping people to "Get Over Broken Relationships" and "Get on with Cultivating Healthy Relationships", while growing lasting resilience in all areas life successfully.


Sheila Robinson is a psychotherapist, author, and trainer, with over a decade of experience helping people grow and sustain the necessary tools needed to bounce back from the challenges that life and relationships can present. She has written two books that focus of life/relationship resilience “Getting Over It In Milwaukee” and “STAMINA” . She lives and works in Chicago, IL, providing workshops, therapy, customized trainings, and style-STAMINA sessions.Her mission is to help people around the globe lead more empowered lives through clear thinking, growing resilience skills, creativity, visioning, and the mighty power of the mind. For more information visit

National Association of Social Workers National Association of Behavioral Therapist Toast Masters International The Theosophical Society

Author "Getting Over It In Milwaukee" Author "Stamina"

Master of Social Work - University of Illinois, May 1998 Bachelor of Science in Sociology/ Journalism - Illinois State University, May 1996 Independent Clinical Social Worker - Wisconsin Department of Regulation and Licensing 2000, and Illinois Department of Regulation and Licensing 2003 (Full Certification, 3000+ hours) Future Milwaukee Program - Leadership Milwaukee Program, May 2003

Awards and Honors
• Future Philanthropist of Greater Milwaukee • NADEIS Networking and Delivering Excellence in Services, • University of Illinois Academic Fellowship recipient • Ann Keaton Outstanding Leadership Award

Past/Present Clients
Privacy regulations prevent me from disclosing the names of client's I have worked with in my private practice. Below you will find a partial list of corporate client's I have provided trainings for in the area of workplace relationship development. •American Family Insurance •Boys and Girls Club of America •Legum and Noman •Pearls for Teen Girls •Marquette University •Chicago Housing Authority •Governor’s Council of Wisconsin •Seven Stones Day Spa •Sanofi-Aventis •Social Development Commission •Women’s Center of Waukesha •Pfizer •Children’s Outing Association •Alverno College •Department of Veteran Affairs •Corporation Aurora •Coakley Brothers •YWCA •St. Mary’s Hospital •Milwaukee Health Services •Dakota Intertek Corp. •Village Financial Services •Private Industry Council •Learning Enterprise Academy •Ujima Inc. •Harvest Development Center •Reinhart Boerner Van Deurn SC •University of Wisconsin •Ortho Bio-tech •Novartis •Executive Women International •Lutheran Social Services •Planned Parenthood •Arkles Custom Products •Milwaukee Area Technical College •MCFI •House of Daniel •Roche Pharmaceuticals •McCormack Baron Ragan Corp.

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