Relationship Recovery and Resilience/dazed/scared/confused/allaroundworried
Expert: Sheila V. Robinson-Kiss - 5/19/2013
Question Sheila my name is Kenneth im in my early 20s and my girlfriend is about 4 years younger than myself. we have been together for nearly a year now. everything has been for the most part excellent. I have helped her grow and mature to better understand pretty much everything in a much more comprehensive way. she is intelligent and gorgeous and I love her with my whole entire heart.
She of course feels the same as far as I know. *not much of a doubt in my mind.* I know we are both young etc etc but ive been many an exception to the vast majority of rules. so I think we can work through anything. I have a much higher education level than most people unfortunately and it often hurts my ability to communicate my emotions. I'm really sorry for not really getting to the meat of the subject I just need a bit of a vent. I'll try to get to the point. Like I said me and my girlfriend we will call her girlfriend for simplicity and privacy. well anyways we have been together for nigh on a year and things have been great but I have had some weird fantasies about both her sister and her mother (they all live together) I got drunk and told her that I wanted a threesome with her sister(terrible terrible decision) and then we had a huge fight fortunately I managed to mostly play the drunk card and she forgave my indecency that time. well I also got drunk and was getting a bit grabby with the mother they managed to play it off as a laugh. my girl didn't really get offended because she doesn't think her mother is attractive and for the most part I don't either its just that MOTHERFKING alcohol(I prefer herbs) sometimes I still drink when I think I can handle it even tho bad things usually happen on it. I think I can fix the prob but it doesn't work. well anyways focus.. last night I got pretty drunk (whiskey) her mom kept bringing me drinks ( oh bfore I forget my girlfriend is out of town for a month) and drink after drink I put them away. and we were driving around on fourwheelers together just around a few acre property. and somehow or another my hands were on the moms boobs. she didn't reject the touch unfortunately and she would make moany sounds while we were driving around to further my sex drive in my opinion and then somehow were on the ground and her boobs were out and her nipples in my mouth. that right there is as far as things went I remember things pretty clearly again unfortunately. I am a constant honesty spouter and im caught between rocks and a hard place. my aunt could have seen the ordeal(if she did she is keeping hush hush(for now)) and also the mom is playing the its all a bit hazy from being wasted card so she is trying to play it cool however the mom and sister seem to be good friends and if the sister finds out I don't know if she will tell my gf. I don't think she will but the threat from 2 different sides is there. my girlfriend has many insecurities and has been molested by quite a few people in the past including the moms husband. ( don't get me started) I don't think my aunt would tell anyone but again I don't know forsure. it would more than likely turn a lot of peoples lives inside out and I think she is intelligent enough to recognize this possibility so for that alone I don't think she will say anything. but I was just needing another person who will look at this objectively. should I follow what I have been hearing lately and learn to lie to my sig other because in relationships to much honesty seems to do more harm than good. im so in love with my girlfriend its heartwrenching thinking of hurting her and I feel like such a piece of shit even tho I didn't actually sleep with or have oral sex with the mother but still I feel awful. and my girlfriend always told me that if I cheated on her it would most likely be over but maybe not especially if I came to her and told her about it.. but if I tell her about this im afraid she will be so angry and hurt that she wont think straight and will fuck peoples lives up including my own.(our families are extremely close and live literally 50 ft away.) I don't know what I should do. Logic is telling me that I should just wait and see how things play out and not throw myself under the bus unnecessarily and to just wish pray and hope to god that it just becomes a stupid secret that I take to my grave. but then again on the emotional side of me its saying do the "right" thing and tell her what happened and hope for the best. Not my favorite option. I just would very much like to know what you, a pro would do if you were put in my shoes in this situation that should have never arisen in the first place. I apologize profusely for the novel and I would appreciate urgency because im pretty scared of shit hitting the fan. btw tonight was an extremely awkward family bbq.. tho no comments of last night have been made at all from any party involved except for the entirely innocent parts. PLEASE any helpful advice would be much appreciated. keep in mind my girlfriend is not anywhere near as open minded nor as rational as myself.
Answer Hello Kenneth,
Please reread your question very slowly before you read my answer:
If you reread your question slowly it should be evident to you that you have a serious drinking problem. Drinking becomes serious when it impairs your judgment. You may be intelligent in terms of IQ points, but this is not the same as emotional intelligence. A high level of emotional intelligence would have prevented you from putting yourself in such a compromising situation.
In short my advice is find the closest AA chapter in your home town and stop drinking immediately. You are correct. If she finds out, she will likely walk away from you and her life will be turned upside down. However you may have a long shot if she does find out and you can tell her you stopped drinking immediately after the incident and sought out help for your problem.
I am qualified to answer any questions related to relationship recovery (Romantic, Family, Work, Friendship etc.) In addition I will answer any question related to the area of cultivating more bounce back and resilience in life. In short my specialty area includes helping people to "Get Over Broken Relationships" and "Get on with Cultivating Healthy Relationships", while growing lasting resilience in all areas life successfully.
Sheila Robinson is a psychotherapist, author, and trainer, with over a decade of experience helping people grow and sustain the necessary tools needed to bounce back from the challenges that life and relationships can present. She has written two books that focus of life/relationship resilience “Getting Over It In Milwaukee” and “STAMINA” . She lives and works in Chicago, IL, providing workshops, therapy, customized trainings, and style-STAMINA sessions.Her mission is to help people around the globe lead more empowered lives through clear thinking, growing resilience skills, creativity, visioning, and the mighty power of the mind. For more information visit www.staminaformylife.com
Organizations National Association of Social Workers
National Association of Behavioral Therapist
Toast Masters International
The Theosophical Society
Publications Author "Getting Over It In Milwaukee"
Author "Stamina" www.staminaformylife.com
Education/Credentials Master of Social Work - University of Illinois, May 1998
Bachelor of Science in Sociology/ Journalism - Illinois State University, May 1996
Independent Clinical Social Worker - Wisconsin Department of Regulation and Licensing 2000, and Illinois Department of Regulation and Licensing 2003 (Full Certification, 3000+ hours)
Future Milwaukee Program - Leadership Milwaukee Program, May 2003
Awards and Honors • Future Philanthropist of Greater Milwaukee
• NADEIS Networking and Delivering Excellence in Services,
• University of Illinois Academic Fellowship recipient
• Ann Keaton Outstanding Leadership Award
Past/Present Clients Privacy regulations prevent me from disclosing the names of client's I have worked with in my private practice. Below you will find a partial list of corporate client's I have provided trainings for in the area of workplace relationship development.
•American Family Insurance
•Boys and Girls Club of America
•Legum and Noman
•Pearls for Teen Girls
•Chicago Housing Authority
•Governor’s Council of Wisconsin
•Seven Stones Day Spa
•Social Development Commission
•Women’s Center of Waukesha
•Children’s Outing Association
•Department of Veteran Affairs
•St. Mary’s Hospital
•Milwaukee Health Services
•Dakota Intertek Corp.
•Village Financial Services
•Private Industry Council
•Learning Enterprise Academy
•Harvest Development Center
•Reinhart Boerner Van Deurn SC
•University of Wisconsin
•Executive Women International
•Lutheran Social Services
•Arkles Custom Products
•Milwaukee Area Technical College
•House of Daniel
•McCormack Baron Ragan Corp.