Remarriage/can it work?


hello my name is val I am 42 years of age  I am unemployed and live as a housing association tenant.recently I fell in love with my housing officer who is 5 years younger ..she is nearly professional and I guess I am not employable  her communication level is quite high where as mine is 20 percent low  I love her but considering where we both are in life do you think there is a chance or out of the question as some people do rule out the unemployed....should it really be relevant ...please advise

Hi Val,
Your question is not one that can be answered easily, simply because people are different from situation to situation and without knowing either one of you, I can't predict the future.  That being said, the first situation I see is that it would be an ethical violation for her to have a relationship with you, and a conflict of interest since she is your housing officer.  Relationships where people have two different levels of relationship have problems built into them automatically and usually don't work.  

You have to decide if she did have a relationship with you and then because of her job she had to confront you about something or even make a decision that would effect you negatively, how would the personal relationship fair?  Usually one or the other relationship suffers.

Relationships where one of the two people are perpetually unemployed usually becomes an issue simply because there isn't the same equality within the relationship in terms of responsibility, financial stress etc., which causes resentment.  Relationships between professionals with high communication levels and non-professionals with lower communication levels are at risk simply because the people are not able to communicate with each other well and that becomes a deficit in the relationship.  

To answer your question....on its face, the pairing between the two of you would have significant disadvantages to start with and that is usually not a good place to start.

Thank you for your question and if I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me.  


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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I am able to answer questions with regard to the emotional considerations that arise from divorce and remarriage as well as questions about blended families and the unique issues that spring from these relationships. Questions that I am unable to answer have anything to do with legal matters. I am not a lawyer, so these questions are outside of my scope of practice.


I have been in a blended family situation for 30 years and understand the mistakes that can be made, the good intentions that fail and the unique situations that can arise having ex-spouses as part of the family unit. I am also a professional counselor.

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