How to Make the Right Move/Don't Know


Hello Brian,

I think I'm falling for one very close friend of mine.We know each other for just over 4 months now and we connect very well with one another becoming close friends within a short span,he constantly being concerned about me,me being concerned about him,talking a lot about ourselves,etc.Over time I think I'm falling for him.But,it's complicated as I don't know if he feels the same.
   There are certain things I should tell.I'm think I have been 'dudezoned' by him.Also,his body language with me is a little different when compared to other girls.He is quite physically friendly with them(in a good affectionate way).He's never that with me.We always maintain a distance.He hugs other girls in public,he never does that to me.Also,he has stated that he has a type(as in physical).Are 'types' really that important to men?
   Recently,he has started drifting away from me for no apparent reason at all.His calls to me have gone down,his visits to my room has fallen so has the talks between us.All of this happened so suddenly I couldn't even recognize it.There are days when he's better with me,but it's not the same as before.I know he still cares because he keeps asking other mutual friends about me if I'm late after holidays or if I don't come to classes.When I approach him first he seems like the guy I knew just some weeks ago,but only when I first call him  up or got to him.Gradually,he's drifting away from me and I just cannot understand why.
  I really don't know if I can do anything about this.I genuinely  want to just communicate to him more to get to know him better and may be give us a shot,but,I don't know if I should do it or no.And also how to approach this.

Hey Shilpa,

Sorry this response is so late!  It's been a hell of a week!

It's hard to know what to do when you don't know how the other person feels.  By the same token, without any risks we can't possibly get what we want.

First, your simpler and, quite frankly, less important question first: are types that important to men.  It really depends on what the guys goals are with women.  When I was younger, I was less interested in the woman or the relationship per se than I was the experience.  I didn't want to develop one single relationship, I wanted to have lots of experiences and know about a variety of relationships.  At that point in my life, types were highly important.  However, it's different now.  I still have a type and my girlfriend only fits that type to an extent.  But my type is less relevant to me, because now I am looking to develop one single relationship, and being "my type" is not good enough to accomplish that.

Ok, on to your more important question: what to do about this guy.  The simplest answer to your question is that if you want to know how he feels, tell him how you feel.  His response will be a pretty clear indication.

The more complex answer, though, is looking at this from both a best-case and worst-case scenario.  Imagine the best case scenario of confessing and withholding confession.  What would it take to achieve it?  Is it worth doing what it takes?  Conversely, what is the worst that could happen if you confess or don't confess?  Are you willing to live with that?  Ultimately, the answers to those questions are up to you.

While you noticed that he's paying less attention to you, I'm glad you didn't automatically conclude that *you* must have done something.  Just as often as not, when people start to behave differently around us, it has little to nothing to do with us, even though we tend to assume it does.  If you decide to go ahead and tell him how you feel, do so with caution: if he has a lot on his mind now, it might not be the best time; it may be prudent to wait a bit.

In any case, no matter what you do, I hope it works out!  It usually does, in the end.

How to Make the Right Move

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I can teach you that there is no "right" move. It's more in HOW you do it, not WHAT you do. If you're interested in pick up lines or tricks, forget it. But if you want to know what the difference is between the men who get rejected and the men who don't, I can answer your questions. I can teach you about body language, attitude and how to respond to any kind of rejection you might face (or are afraid you might face). Approaching is one of the most difficult aspects of communication, so having difficulty in this area is perfectly normal. Let me help you out.


My life as a single guy, learning how to approach and get dates from women. I was never into one night stands or seduction; I spent a lot of timing just learning how to approach, communicate and set up dates. Read a variety of books on the subject (Double Your Dating, Attraction Isn't a Choice, The Game, etc.) and had a bit of experience myself before settling down. Currently conducting "approach" research to learn more.

none in particular in regards to this.

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