How to Make the Right Move/Will he ever come back?


I knew this guy over a year thru work. We became very close (thru projects, working together, etc) and when on dates after he left. We even had sex after 3-4 dates... We still went on some dates after that. He would tell me all the things he loved about me. How I was so sure of myself, how I was beautiful, How he secretly hoped all the time that I liked him and would break up with my bf. He told me how I should work where he does and we can drive to work together in the morning. He told me his parents adored me. Then one fine day, his calls and texts became less...I knew from before he was never in a real relationship. He used to date this girl who left him bc he got so busy with work he was never "around" for her. He is 30 I am 29.

I called him 2 months after I had stopped hearing from him to get an answer cuz I truly loved him and missed him. He apologized the way he behaved and handled things. He told me he did have feelings for me at the time we were together and that if we continued on that path, it would only lead to a relationship and with his new job and how much he had to travel he was not ready to do that... I wanted to ask him if there was ever a chance in the future but I bit my tongue. I told him I'll always b there for him and he told me the same back.

It's been 2 months since that convo and I still love him to death. First man I ever truly loved and I've been meeting new guys and getting to know them but I realize too quickly that they are not the one for me.

Idk what to do. I just don't understand how he moved on so quickly. We were really close even though we went on a handful of dates.. We were super close at work..What do u think? Ppl keep saying he just used me and that I was a fling but I honestly don't believe that. I always believed he was honest and he would not do anything to hurt me intentionally.

Hi Jodi!

Sorry my response is so late!  It's been a hell of a week.

Ending things, maybe especially romantic relationships, is always a painful process.  Essentially only people with serious emotional or psychological problems can go through them without any pain.

You haven't really told me what led you to think that he has moved on, so I really don't know what to tell you other than as long as he's human, he almost certainly went through a grieving process of loss, although it just may not be the same way you have been doing it.

First of all, do you really think he has "moved on"?  I tend to think that from your standpoint it may look that way, but I can tell you it almost certainly is not.  We're all capable and often very good at putting on a persona for others to make it appear as though we are coping better than we actually are.  Many of us also do not convey our internal emotional states as transparently or others.  Many of us also aren't as acutely aware of how we feel, or don't really know how to deal with how we feel as well as others.

The main thing, though, is that getting over someone is not about understanding the other person.  It's about understanding yourself better and, in the process, moving away from your dependence on others.  Sure, closure is a nice thing, but I speak from experience when I say you don't always get to have it.  Some things will remain mysteries.

Anyway, I hope that helps, and I hope this message finds you in better spirits!  Take care.

How to Make the Right Move

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I can teach you that there is no "right" move. It's more in HOW you do it, not WHAT you do. If you're interested in pick up lines or tricks, forget it. But if you want to know what the difference is between the men who get rejected and the men who don't, I can answer your questions. I can teach you about body language, attitude and how to respond to any kind of rejection you might face (or are afraid you might face). Approaching is one of the most difficult aspects of communication, so having difficulty in this area is perfectly normal. Let me help you out.


My life as a single guy, learning how to approach and get dates from women. I was never into one night stands or seduction; I spent a lot of timing just learning how to approach, communicate and set up dates. Read a variety of books on the subject (Double Your Dating, Attraction Isn't a Choice, The Game, etc.) and had a bit of experience myself before settling down. Currently conducting "approach" research to learn more.

none in particular in regards to this.

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