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How to Make the Right Move/How can he forget her? Should he face her? Or should he ignore her? Or is there any other suitable solution?

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Question
My guy had had a strong attraction to a girl even before we started our relationship. He loves me so much and we are planning to marry soon. But he says he still feels shivers when he sees that girl. He even canít talk to her looking straight into her eyes. He wants get rid of it and asks for help from me. I donít know what to do. Will talking to that girl help him? Or else should he ignore the girl? Please help me. I feel really down because of this issue.

Answer
Hi Alice!

Sounds like a tough situation!

Your guy basically seems to have an obsession with this girl.  Even though she is part of his past, he still seems to have very powerful thoughts with her.

An obsession usually derives from one of two things: either a consistent worry about something beyond your control, or a strong curiousity about what might have been, a desire to know the unknown or unknowable.  It seems like it's the second case for your guy.  In these situations, it is a lot less about the girl herself and a lot more about the IDEA of the girl that is so alluring.

Quite simply, in the context of him being in a relationship with you there is NO benefit to him meeting or talking to that girl.  His irrational mind will try to convince him otherwise, but there is no benefit to it.

However, whether or not he chooses to engage her is a personal choice for him.  It really depends on what he is looking for in his life.  If he is looking for a relationship, family, children and those sorts of things, talking to this women will not help that and may even harm that goal.  Dealing with his feelings and staying with you WILL help.

If, however, his goal is to satiate his curiousity, it may be in his best interest to engage her.  But please be aware, if he chooses to do this, you have no obligation or responsibility to support him or even wait for him while he does.  If he is going to make this personal choice with himself in mind, then, in all fairness, you should be allowed to make your own choice as to what you want to do with him.  The sad reality is that if he decides to engage her and her figures out who she really is it will be totally different than the idyllic image he has of her, and he will most likely lose interest and/or start to miss you.  No one can live up to other people's ideal expectations of them, we're all just human.  

In either case, he needs to make a decision: find out ways to accept that thinking about that girl is not in line with his mission in life, or do something about it.  It's important for him to start thinking rationally: what's the worst that could happen if he never talks to her?  What's the worst that could happen if he does?  What would life be like if he lost you?  Would it be worth it?  If he decides it's not worth it, he just needs to say goodbye to that unanswered question in his life and move on.  If he decides it is, he needs to assume responsibility for the consequences of that decision.

I hope that helps!  Take care, and good luck to both of you.

How to Make the Right Move

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Brian

Expertise

I can teach you that there is no "right" move. It's more in HOW you do it, not WHAT you do. If you're interested in pick up lines or tricks, forget it. But if you want to know what the difference is between the men who get rejected and the men who don't, I can answer your questions. I can teach you about body language, attitude and how to respond to any kind of rejection you might face (or are afraid you might face). Approaching is one of the most difficult aspects of communication, so having difficulty in this area is perfectly normal. Let me help you out.

Experience

My life as a single guy, learning how to approach and get dates from women. I was never into one night stands or seduction; I spent a lot of timing just learning how to approach, communicate and set up dates. Read a variety of books on the subject (Double Your Dating, Attraction Isn't a Choice, The Game, etc.) and had a bit of experience myself before settling down. Currently conducting "approach" research to learn more.

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none in particular in regards to this.

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