How to Make the Right Move/Does she like me?


Hi Brian. My name is Jake and I am 24. I started hanging out with a girl from work about four weeks ago. We talk quite a bit throughout the week and she is always so cute around me. But a few weeks ago se basically told me she had a bad relationship a year ago with a guy that was basically abusive and has a hard time with the though of even touching a guy. I am trying to take it at her pace but its hard to tell if she likes me. She tells me she sees me as my friend but hangs out with me every weekend texts me just about every night. I don't want to hold her hand if it won't make her feel comfortable. My question is should I just keep waiting or maybe try something like this weekend that I see her should I ask when will I get to hold we hand? Just thought I'd he an experts advice on this situation because she is absolutely beautiful and is really cool. I think she likes me but I don't want to do something if she isn't into it.

Thanks -Jake

Hey Jake!  Sorry for the late response.

This is a simple but pretty important question, if you ask me.

We are taught conflicting things from different sources about the opposite sex and relationships.  On the one hand, we are told to "respect her wishes" and "take things slow" and "get to know each other first", but on the other - particularly as men - we are taught to "be aggressive" and "go for it" and "take what you want."  So what do we do in a delicate situation like this?

I firmly believe (for reasons I'm not going to get into now) that women want us to be the initiators of almost everything and that, as men, we also want to be that.  That is to say that normally I would say something like just make the first move and if she rejects you, just move on.

In this case, I would say you still have to initiate, just be a lot more careful about it, and don't necessarily take a rejection as "failure."  Her behavior (sending you messages every night, hanging out with you every weekend) indicates pretty clearly that she's into you, so a rejection of physical contact is almost certainly not a sign that she's not into YOU, but that she still has her own issues to go through.  I'm pretty sure that if she was SO afraid of physical contact that she couldn't get over it she wouldn't even want to spend time with you.  There is a part of her that wants it, but another part of her that is afraid of it, and waiting for her isn't going to help her through the process.  By the same token, neither is PUSHING it on her.

So I like your idea of just trying to hold her hand, or even something less intimate than that, like touching her shoulder or back.

To sum it up, yes, you should still be the initiator, but keep her in mind: scale it down until you find what she is comfortable with, and go from there.

Hope it works out!

How to Make the Right Move

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I can teach you that there is no "right" move. It's more in HOW you do it, not WHAT you do. If you're interested in pick up lines or tricks, forget it. But if you want to know what the difference is between the men who get rejected and the men who don't, I can answer your questions. I can teach you about body language, attitude and how to respond to any kind of rejection you might face (or are afraid you might face). Approaching is one of the most difficult aspects of communication, so having difficulty in this area is perfectly normal. Let me help you out.


My life as a single guy, learning how to approach and get dates from women. I was never into one night stands or seduction; I spent a lot of timing just learning how to approach, communicate and set up dates. Read a variety of books on the subject (Double Your Dating, Attraction Isn't a Choice, The Game, etc.) and had a bit of experience myself before settling down. Currently conducting "approach" research to learn more.

none in particular in regards to this.

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