How to Make the Right Move/help



I will try and keep this short and simple.   I meet someone in a social grouping that I like.  

I asked if she wanted to go out, she accepted.  The “date” went very well and she enjoyed herself.  We kept in regular contact via text and facebook.   I asked if she wanted to meet soon, and gave a date and an activity.  She avoided my offer and asked me lots of questions in return.  She also made it clear it was a shame I was not going to the next social and I should come to some other events.  We meet again at another social.  Towards the end when most went we managed to have a good chat.  I think it went well.  She looked very happy to see me.   On the way home, I sent her a good night message, she did the same.     The next day I asked if she was interested in seeing a list of films.  She told me she is not interested in going to the cinema for a while. so I said I am free a specific day, if she wants to join me.    While it is only been a day.  I get the feeling that she is avoiding this specific question at least in on  text and facebook.  What should I do?  Is this a dead duck?


Hi Dan!

Thanks for the inquiry, as this is a problem that I think lots of men face but for various reasons - pride, I suspect, is one of them - do not ask for help with.  They just presume it is a "dead duck" as you creatively put it and shelve it, rather than inquiring about it.

Essentially what is happening is you are being groomed to be a suitable husband.  See, it basically boils down to this: women are interested in either protectors or providers.  Their intrigue manifests in different ways for different purposes, depending on which of the two they have unconsciously categorized you as.  When I say "protector" I am referring to what is colloquially deemed a "bad boy", and a provider is the "marrying type."  They both have something beneficial to offer women that women want, but ideally, I believe, a man should be both.  The rare men that can encompass both roles is what women often refer to as "real men" and are a gem to women.

You have been placed, or placed yourself, in the category of "provider."  You have displayed behavior that shows that you care and are willing to make time and energy-consuming investment into a relationship with her: you are ASKING her if she wants to go out, rather than telling her; you have been keeping in touch when apart rather than letting her miss you; you are analyzing the situation carefully rather than acting spontaneously.  However, she also happens to like you, so she is continuing this relationship, but at her pace.  Rather than accelerate the intimacy, she wants to see you in a variety of social settings to see if you are the real deal or not and to decide whether or not she should also invest in you.

You have two choices: accept the relationship as it is and be patient, or take a risk and try to maneuver this relationship in a direction preferable to you.

Neither, of course, is better than the other, they are different methods of pursuing the same end.  The first one will require a large amount of investment before any "results" become apparent, but it's the safer path and the girl will certainly be more comfortable with it.  It could, however, result in a pretty huge loss, should things not work out.  The second entails a larger risk upfront, but with risk comes the potential of great reward: women are often happier when a man pursues this route.  However, it also entails possible irrevocable failure.

In any case, no, this is definitely not a dead duck: she is still, to a degree, pursuing you by inviting you to social events.  So what you do depends on what you want out of this relationship and what you are willing to tolerate to get it.

Hope that helps, and good luck with everything!

How to Make the Right Move

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I can teach you that there is no "right" move. It's more in HOW you do it, not WHAT you do. If you're interested in pick up lines or tricks, forget it. But if you want to know what the difference is between the men who get rejected and the men who don't, I can answer your questions. I can teach you about body language, attitude and how to respond to any kind of rejection you might face (or are afraid you might face). Approaching is one of the most difficult aspects of communication, so having difficulty in this area is perfectly normal. Let me help you out.


My life as a single guy, learning how to approach and get dates from women. I was never into one night stands or seduction; I spent a lot of timing just learning how to approach, communicate and set up dates. Read a variety of books on the subject (Double Your Dating, Attraction Isn't a Choice, The Game, etc.) and had a bit of experience myself before settling down. Currently conducting "approach" research to learn more.

none in particular in regards to this.

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