Expert: John Wright, II - 9/27/2001

Question
I am a 22 yr old guy and I've been dating a girl of 21 since April this year. We fmet in june last year and started off as very good friends , then the
relationship took a turn and we found out that we were deeply in love each other. With her it seems that we are made for each other . We both had kept
our virginity for the person we'd love and thus it was the first time we had sex when we had sex together in April. Now the first experiences were very
bad in teh sence that i ejaculated even before penetrating, then when i overcame that problem I wasnt able to find the right hole where to penetrate and
things like that. But now things have worked out and now I ejaculate inside her and it is quite pleasing for me. Now the problem is with my girl friend. I
can arouse her by stroking her breasts and tickling her vargina but as soon as I penetrate she hurts alot and thus all her arousal is gone and she goes in a
very tense situation as if I am making her do something really painful . Now I dont know how to arouse her while inside her. Also it seems that I might not
know the right position ( we are sticking to the missionary position so far ) or how to move my penis inside her so that it can be arousing for her as well.

The size of my penis is around 6 or 6 and a half inches . Now we have another question that I only enter half my penis inside her and it seems taht i cant
go further inside. Is this normal or shall i try to penetrate further as then it hurts alot for her if i try to do so. Kindly guide us in this regard too and may be
tell me a good position so that my partner can also enjoy the sex and i can please her as well while I am inside her ,

Thanks and Regards.

Answer
Tony:

Thanks for the letter. I'm sory to hear about your situation, but I have a few things that might be able to help you out.

First of all, let's address this issue with your girlfriend feeling pain when you guys have sex. Obviously, I am not going to reccommend that you continue to have sex with your partner if it is painful for her. Pain tells the human body that something's not right, so you should both probably pay attention to those signs. It is true that when a woman has sex for the first few times, things are tight and can be a little painful, but that should quickly subside depending on how often you have intercourse. My fiance and I were highschool sweethearts only years ago, and things were painful for her as well when we first started having sex (also because I measure in at 7.25"), but we had sex like nymphos, so the pain subsided for her fairly quickly. The key is to take things slowly and not to overdo anything. Listen to her when she says something feels good or bad and adjust your actions to accommodate the both of you. (Guys really have their work cut out for them when it comes to getting and actually having sex). LOL

The other reason she might be having pain could be because of a medical condition that I do not quite remember the name of. I actually saw a television show a couple of days ago on The Learning Channel about some woman who ALWAYS had pain during sex - and doctors found that it was because of overly sensitive tissue that surrounded the opening of her vagina. Any extreme pressure on that area would make things very painful for her. However, they performed a simple outpatient operation, and after a few weeks of recoop time, she was actually enjoying the sex that had caused her pain for the last 10 years. My reccommendation on this issue  (if the pain does not subside soon) is to have your girlfriend see her gynecologist, explain the situation to him or her and then figure out a plan of attack for dealing with this dillemma. If she has just started having sex, she should go see the doctor anyway just to make sure that everything's all good.

As far as pleasing your girlfriend during sex, the first rule of thumb is that penetration is not as pleasing for the female as you might think. If you're worried about her not having an orgasm (which you should be if you value your sexual relationship), then you will want to focus on her clitoris. (Sounds a little like "South Park", huh?) That little bundle of nerves can make or break a woman's sexual experience - and if you take the time to learn what pleases her, you will find that she'll have multiple orgasms, and your sexual encounters will increase in both experience levels and frequency.

A position that works very well is while you are penetrating your girlfriend while in the standard missionary position, try pushing her legs up a little bit instead of having them around your waist. Use one hand to support yourself, and then massage her clitoris with the fingers on your free hand as you penetrate her. (You don't need to rub too hard. Sometimes a light touch can be better). I am sure you will find that she'll really enjoy this. You can also do this same technique "doggy style" if that's more convenient. If she continues to have pain with sexual intercourse, you can always bring her to orgasm by means of oral sex and simply masturbating her to climax. It may not be as fun as actually having sex, but if you have to work through the pain gradually, this will definately be a good substitute until things get back to normal. Besides, it's good to have a thorough knoledge in all aspects of sex simply because they really enhance the sensations you feel - and the satisfaction from pleasing your partner like no one else can (or would dare to) is very rewarding.

So . . . that's the long and short of it. Hope I've been able to answer your questions. But seriously - and this is no diss on you - your girlfriend should not be having extreme pain during sex with someone of your size. 6" is the average male size (so you've nothing to be embarrased about at all), and it normally doesn't take very long for sexual pain to subside. For the time being, I would reccommend taking things slowly but directly, experiment with pleasing your girlfriend by means of her clitoris (you'll be in high demand if you can master that technique) and seriously encourage and support your girlfriend in seeing a gynecologist to investigate the pain further if it persists. Please - let me know if there's anything else I can help you with. Good luck and have fun.

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