AboutNatasha Kozyreva Expertise You can ask me questions on the Russian language, literature and culture. As a resident of Saint-Petersburg, I'd be glad to answer questions about it as well.
I was just wondering at what point Russians begin to use informality when addressing someone... "Ti" as opposed to "Vi", "kak dyela", as opposed to "kak v pashouviyetye"? Sorry about my horrible attempt at transliteration. Does how long you have known someone factor into this? For example, if you had been playing chess by post with the same person for several years, but had communicated very little, it doesn't seem like it would be appropriate to use informal terms? Is this correct? Are informal terms ever used by someone to signify that they now feel comfortable with someone they have met, or to show that they would like to become closer to them?
Thank you very much for any insights you can offer.
Warm regards,
Mick
Answer Hello Mick,
This is an interesting question and I had to think about it for some time.
The register of a conversation is obviously dictated by unwritten rules that are mastered intuitively, hence one often has to rely on one's gut feeling. Here's what I've come up with after analysing my own linguistic behaviour and reading up a bit.
Basically "ты" suggests informality, close relationship, intimacy, and friendliness and is common among family members, friends, and often colleagues (seldom used with the superiors though), whereas "вы" is a sign of formality, respect ("ты" can be no less respectful, but in a different way) and keeping distance. To be honest, I'm not always sure about whether I can start addressing a person "вы" or not. However, there are some guidelines.
Older people are usually addressed formally unless they are relatives, while children naturally are called "ты".
A man shouldn't address a woman informally: he is supposed to ask for her permission first. However, in practice this rule isn't always observed.
An older person may permit a younger person to address him or her informally (or even ask to do so). The same goes for men and women.
Addressing adult strangers "ты" is considered to be rude with some reservations. For instance, young people nowadays will call each other "ты" right or soon after they've been acquainted if they have met in an informal social setting or they are co-students. A person saying "вы" may be perceived either as very polite or as slightly aloof. However, if a young man approaches a girl in the street to strike an acquaintance, he will most certainly say "вы" to her. "Ты" might be indicative of a burgeoning romance.
Addressing a stranger or somebody one barely knows "ты" in a heated dispute or a row can be done deliberately to show disrespect and is very impolite.
Now as to the length of acquaintance, it is not the decisive factor. People tend to either start addressing one another informally soon after the acquaintance or stick to "вы" for decades. Among older people it is not rare to say "вы" to friends.
I believe in the situation you have described little communication would make formal language highly likely, especially if there is a significant difference in ages or they are of the opposite sex. However, young people would probably begin using informal address.
You are asking whether informal terms are used "to signify that they now feel comfortable with someone they have met, or to show that they would like to become closer to them".
I'd say both are largely true. As a rule one doesn't say "ты" to somebody they are uncomfortable with or would prefer not to get to know better (unless it would be considered impolite or odd). Much as "ты" can be used to demonstrate disrespect, "вы" may be used to distance oneself from another person.
The bottom line is that it is safer to say "вы", and even when "ты" is perfectly acceptable, the former may seem very polite and endearing or romantic. Facial expression and the tone of voice will prevent you from seeming aloof or arrogant.
You can invite the other person to call you informally, but they may or may not do likewise. You can also ask for permission to address somebody informally.
I'm sorry if my explanation is somewhat confusing. Do use the follow-up option to ask for clarification if you need to.
Best regards,
Natasha
P.S. There is a sort of ceremony called "brudershaft", which is the German for "brotherhood", that involves two people who are holding glasses of alcohol locking arms and emptying their drinks. After performing the ritual the people start calling each other "ты". Although the practice isn't popular any more, "I haven't drunk brudershaft with you"(Мы с вами на брудершафт не пили) is occasionally said to a person inappropriately addressing one informally. More often than not it is supposed to be insulting.
P.P.S. To give you an example, I've just asked my father (he is in his early 50ies) about the way he calls his co-workers and he says that he calls informally all of them but one man who is much older. His common practice is to invite his co-workers to call him "ты" when they are introduced.
