AboutDan Smith Expertise I have been a professional writer and editor for more than 30 years, taught speech and English composition at the university level, and have developed speech and English composition courses and seminars for businesses. I am experienced in editing a wide variety of materials, especially business, scientific, and other academic papers. I am familiar with all the major style guides.
Experience I have edited any number of graduate papers and other technical materials in such advanced fields as civil and electrical engineering and semiconductor fabrication. I have extensive experience in working with non-native English speakers.
Question My name is Aylem and I would like to know if my essay really shows what they asking me for.
the question is: Do you think success is the most important thing in your life?
thank you very for your help and your time.
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I strongly believe that success is the most important thing in our lives. Whithout it, life doesn’t mean anything. There’s no formula to achieve success, however if you have interest, determination and perseverance, you are on the right path to succeed. Success is what pushes you to reach the stars, is the vitamin and strength our mind and body need to keep going.
I know it’s not easy because you will be constantly encountering obstacles in your road, but in order to achieve your goals and succeed them, you have to sacrifice something else. You pay a high price, but once you convinced yourself that you are capable to set your goals, once you believe on it, and see how it comes true, then you realize that it worthwhile.
I am already a successful person, for being who I am. I think we all come to this world with a mission to achieve. There’s a path already designed for each one of us. Our biggest goal and dream should be go through our personal success, feels it, smells it and makes it yours. It’s up to us to get advantage of this exclusive opportunity we have to live the life it was given to us just once.
I’m grateful not just because I can look to my friend’s eyes but because I can see her heart and soul. I’m grateful not just because I can touch my lover’s hands but because I can feel his deep love and tenderness.
I am arranged to follow my instincts and go through my path. I’ll be hopeful but realistic, I’ll be trusting but cautious. I know it will be hard, but life isn’t easy, and that’s what makes it interesting and mysterious after all.
I arrived in The United States nine months ago. I am Cuban and my native language is Spanish. In addition I speak English and French as well. I'm currently in my senior year of High School. I am taking Drafting/Design and Fine Arts classes at a public school in Miami, Florida. The reason why I started taking these classes is because I'm passionate about The Arts, specifically Interior Design.
I chose The Arts field over the other educational opportunities because I think there's Art in every single aspect of our lives. For example, the colors of the flowers, in the form of the waves, and even in the sunrise. "Art is life" and "Life is Art"
I am a very spiritual and creative person. I believe "Creativity is the key to good design". My biggest goal is to become and Interior Designer, with the purpose to serve this country which kindly received and adopted me.
I feel blessed for who I am, the family I have and for the opportunity to study in the United States. I want to make a difference in The Arts World. It's a challenge but I know I'll have a secure place in it.
The reason for deciding to attend college and the benefits I wish to gain by pursuing a degree in Interior Design, is to be able to please people through my innovative ideas and designs.
I think we have the right as sensitive and special human beings as we are, to feel comfortable in a place where we spend the most time (an office, a house). We have to learn how to identify the smallest details of our lives. For example, the white color of the walls may represent our peaceful and pure side. A bed may give us confidence and makes us feel restful.
You have to achieve and enrich success by doing what you really like, I feed my success through the Arts and design, because we don't have to see the furniture merely as a way to fill the empty spaces of our houses, but rather as something that identifies us and makes our lives "belles" and even more importantly "make our lives magic".
“The Honor College” might open me the doors of opportunities in the world of Education, Arts and Creativity. For me this is an institution that doesn't measure age, ethnic origin or religion.
I’m positive that with my interest, dedication and perseverance I’ll achieve the educational and professional goals I want to. I know I can create the life I desire because that‘s the way I feel it and believe it can. If the “Honor College” gives me the "guiding light". I’ll make sure to keep it on and shiny forever.
Answer This is much longer than I can proof fully at no charge. You have some grammatical errors. Be careful of how you use commas. You have a tendency to use them where they are not needed and to leave them out when they are. The independent clauses in compound sentences should be separated by commas. Dependent clauses generally should not be so separated.
Beyond that, it seems very poorly organized. The part about looking into your friend's eyes or touching your lover's hands does not seem either appropriate to this essay or to be in the right place even if it was appropriate. I also think it is not wise to mention in a college admission essay that while you are a high school senior you have a lover.
Much of what is in the essay has nothing to do with the question.
