About Wanda Thibodeaux Expertise Whether you need help with general organization, brainstorming, specific needs of MLA, APA, etc., content suggestions and comments, or proofreading, I can assist you! ESL students welcome!
Experience 1 year consultant at Central Michigan University Writing Center; three years experience as freelance copyeditor, writer, and consultant through business Web site, takingdictation.com; completion of McNair Scholars program
Publications itspopular.com, Music for the Love of It, Nth Degree Magazine
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Science, Bachelor of Music
Awards and Honors Central Michigan University Playwriting Contest winner, 2002
Past/Present Clients Rita Rizzo (Rizzo and Associates)
Stella Gimenez (Total Brand, Inc.)
Waleed Alsabhan (engineer, UK)
Anthony Oham (master's student)
Question Hi
I had written an essay regarding my career gal and objective. Can you please review it and give me your feed back
For the past 2 years I have been planning to earn an MBA. I am excited now to be on the cusp of making that dream in to a reality.
I completed my bachelor’s degree in Accounting for University of Houston, and started working for Halliburton / KBR in the Financial Controls Group. Working with Halliburton / KBR helped me in two ways. First it enhanced my Accounting Knowledge and secondly it provided me an excellent introduction to business world. During my first two years at Halliburton / KBR I worked on different challenging projects like the Implementation of Information Technology Financial Controls across the organization. This not only strengthened my analytical and problem solving skills but also taught me the importance of financial controls in an organization. Now I want more challenging opportunities than what the financial control department can offer.
Movement towards a global economy and unprecedented explosion of free trade and worldwide exchange has made me realize that I need to learn more and do my MBA. Thus my career goal is to join the ranks of top management at Halliburton / KBR, and make a positive difference in the organization.
To achieve my career goal I would need strong business fundamentals and would have to learn more about current global developments specially developments in financial markets and financial applications.
MBA from University of Houston will provide me with the theoretical understanding and will give me skills to understand the environmental impact of a business. MBA will also provide me in depth idea of practical approaches that will help me with the decision making process.
If admitted to the program at University of Houston. I will bring enthusasiam, dedication and good work ethic. I am proud of my accomplishments so far. I now like to take my self to a next, level and earning an MBA from University of Houston is the perfect way to do so.
Answer I think the essay is decent, but I would suggest the following:
"Career" essays really need to show a few things. They need to show a bit of experience, as well as an acknowledgment of the need to improve, yes, which you've done, but they've got one other primary content source: They need to show a clear understanding of what you want to do with your career. You need to show not only what Houston will provide to you, but also how you'll apply it. If getting a MBA will help you with decisions and practical approaches, for instance, how does this translate into you getting a better job later on or advancing your skill set even further? Nowhere in this essay do you state what type of job you really are going to strive for, let alone draw the parallel between those job requirements and what you can obtain from Houston. Another way to look at it is that this essay needs to explain how Houston will be the stepping stone to your dream job. Be specific. You can even talk about individual courses you know Houston offers that are becoming standard in the field or that are progressive in a way that will set you ahead of the game.
