AboutElana Peled, Ed.D. Expertise I can answer questions related to the writing, formatting and development of academic papers, essays and dissertations, from selecting a topic and developing a thesis, to focusing a sentence and/or paragraph. I can also answer questions regarding syntax, grammar and punctuation. And I can answer questions regarding the role of creativity in academic writing as well as dealing with writer's block and procrastination.
Experience I have more than 20 years experience teaching academic writing to college students at every level. I have designed and taught courses on reading and writing for college freshman, both those who enter college ready to do college level work and those needing additional "catch-up" work. I've taught writing to students in master's programs and even designed a workbook to help students working on a master's thesis. I've worked in college writing centers helping students with papers for courses across the curriculum, and I've even coaching doctoral candidates through their dissertations, providing guidance for the process and direct feedback on their writing.
Organizations Owner, www.MyDissertationEditor.com
Education/Credentials *Ed.D., Human Development and Psychology with emphasis on Language and Literacy, Harvard Graduate School of Education
*Ed.M., Language and Literacy, Harvard Graduate School of Education
*M.A., English Composition, San Francisco State University
*Certificate in Teaching Post-Secondary Reading, SFSU
Question Hi, Elana. I'm preparing TOEFL now and the following is one of my essays. Would you give some advices on how to make it more natural and native? What's my current biggest problem? Thanks in advance!
Sincerely, Andy.
TOPIC: You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.
Essay:
With enough money, I can buy a luxurious house which certainly could enhance my living conditions, and thus I would enjoy a peaceful and comfortable life. However, this kind of life style is not what I pursue. As a young man, I have a lot of dreams and one of them is to own a business. So definitely, I would invest the money into a business of my own. From running a business, I could not only gain profits, enrich my life experience and improve my own qualities, it would also benefit the society a lot.
First of all, a successful business may bring us rich returns. At present, we may find that the lack of initial funds are more or less a main problem for college graduates to begin their own businesses. If I have saved enough money, I would put my thoughts and learnings into practise. With proper arrangement and management, the little capital investment may turn out to be multi million dollars rewards a few years later.The bonus allows me both to purchase big houses or private cars to improve living conditions and to use as funds for further investment.
Furthermore, running a business could also improve my personal abilities. Firstly, to be a good manager and leader I should have knowledges of management, accounting and marketing as well as a specific knowledge of the business I do... However, not all these can be learned from books. Precious experiences accumulates only when specific difficulties are met and conquered. To run a business is the best way to gain experiences. Also I should keep thinking and absorbing new ideas and methods to keep my business vigorous and prosperous. Of course, a business is not always making money, sometimes there are risks of lose. But what to regret after I have already acquired so much knowledge and experiences.
Finally, starting a new business benefit more than myself, it also helps to create more jobs for the society. As we all know, there is a growing pressure in the increasingly competitive job market nowadays, and many young people cannot find proper jobs and have to stay at home. So college students are encouraged to start their own businesses to reduce the severe social problem. And that's an important reason why I choose to have an own business.
In short, it is a great challenge and chance to have a try to purchase a business. After all, if I use the money to buy a house, my life will be the same five or ten years later as it is now, but consequence would be totally different if I take the other choice, no matter success or failure.
Answer Hi Andy,
Since I'm not familiar with the grading standards of the TOEFL I can't say for sure how your essay will be rated. However, I did notice a few subject-verb agreement issues. You might want to review rules for verb forms and then check all your verbs to make sure you've used them correctly.
