AboutDan Smith Expertise I have been a professional writer and editor for more than 30 years, taught speech and English composition at the university level, and have developed speech and English composition courses and seminars for businesses. I am experienced in editing a wide variety of materials, especially business, scientific, and other academic papers. I am familiar with all the major style guides.
Experience I have edited any number of graduate papers and other technical materials in such advanced fields as civil and electrical engineering and semiconductor fabrication. I have extensive experience in working with non-native English speakers.
Expert: Dan Smith Date: 11/28/2007 Subject: Chapter 1
Question After my thesis readjustment I have now begun to write my 1st chapter. given my title and thesis could I begin with this paragraph as an opening to the study? Is it okay?
Cape Town's unique environment is arguably also its greatest asset, making it one of the most sought after urban areas in the world. In recognition of the need to effectively manage and protect this valuable and diverse environment, the City of Cape Town is geared at implementing integrated policies that will ensure that the principles of environmental sustainability are adhered to. However, given this daunting task, the City of Cape Town has not succeeded at implementing all of its policies effectively. Often, the inefficiency of implementing policies effectively is due to a lack of reliable funding. The area at the confluence of the black and Liesbeek River is a testimony to this notion.
In 2003, a Spatial Development Framework and phase 1 Environmental Management Plan for the area at the confluence of the Black and Liesbeek River was promulgated by the City of Cape Town in collaboration with various key stakeholders e.g. the Friends of the Liesbeek, the River Club, e.t.c. The framework was developed after extensive studies showed that there was a need for a management plan for the area in order to put in place a comprehensive and realistic means to govern the area.
Answer Let's do this directly through my e-mail from now on. It's much easier to work in Word than in this venue. I'll make some adjustments to this one, but for the future we need to work directly and we'll have to work out payment arrangements. I cannot work on your dissertation two paragraphs at a time in this venue at no charge. That's not fair to me.
In the second sentence, "...the City...is implementing policies to ensure adherence to principles of environmental sustainability."
Next sentence. "...has not successfully implemented all its policies, often because of a lack of reliable funding." <<"successfully" and "effectively" do the same thing. You don't need them both in the same sentence. Also, the reason can be given much more econommically in the same sentence.>>
Next sentence. "confluence of the Black and Liesbeek Rivers...." <<capitalization and number agreement.>>
Next paragraph, first sentence. I think "Phase 1" should be capitalized.
Do not ever use "etc." in formal writing. Also, we have perfectly good English phrases, "for example" and "that is." Do not ever replace them with abbreviations for Latin phrases (i.e., and e.g.). Instead of "etc. (and it is not e.t.c., by the way), "...in collaboration with such key stakeholders as Friends of the Liesbeek and the River Club." "such as" is much more graceful than "etc." and accomplishes the same thing. Of course, do not ever use "such as" and "etc." in the same sentence. But just strike "etc." from your vocabulary forever. It is correct, but graceless and the mark of a writer who does not know how to write gracefully.
Last sentence. "... studies showed a need for a comprehensive and realistic management plan for the area."
<<Note that you are overwriting and trying to throw in a bunch of big words and phrases. Make sure all your phrases add meaning. Such phrases as "in order to" almost never add meaning; "to" will do nicely."
