Expert: Laurie Hamilton - 9/22/2009

Question
Hello Laurie,

How much of our personalities is chosen and how much is unchangeable?  Can an extrovert become an introvert and vice versa if they choose to?

I was painfully shy when I was younger.  I was called dull and boring and a "goody two shoes."  Now I would be considered "bubbly" which I suppose would be considered to be more favorable in society.  But I dislike it.  I think it's out of fear of making others uncomfortable with my quietness and I still seem to lack the ability to hold a conversation of substance.  I just giggle more.  But as much as I dislike it, I can't seem to change it back.  If I CHOOSE to be demure (a quality I respect and admire) why can't I be?

Answer
I must apologize for the delay in getting back to you on this.  I've had to replace my computer, and been jammed up for time both personally and professionally.

Yes, an introvert can become an extrovert.

Obviously, artificial behaviors which pretend an extroversion which doesn't actually exist would not be the answer to that.  

Introversion stems from fear of (insert own personal case bogeyman here) and is fully resolved by handling the core cause, rather than simply deciding to change.

Practice and forcing one's self to confront and communicate with others without backing off, (something that one does on the Communication Course) can provide repeated demonstration that the consequence from being there and communicating that one fears is unfounded.  In that way, even though the core cause has not been addressed, one can still train one's self to behave in a truly "extroverted" fashion even though a low-level discomfort may remain.  In the end, one solves it by addressing the resolving the core fear in session.

"Demure" is an artifice as well.  One does best when one affects no particular style of behavior.