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Self Defense/Dealing with obnoxious guys...



My question comes from a recent experience I had while travelling. I was staying in a backpackers and playing my guitar and singing for some people in the common area where I was hanging out with these two German girls I'd met earlier in the day. There were also two French guys who were trying to compete for the attention of these girls and were obviously trying pretty hard to get laid.

Anyway mostly I just ignored them and did my own thing and kept on playing, then at one point they were getting jealous of the attention I was getting from singing and whatnot, and they started openly mocking my singing and doing little parody-singing of their own. I sort of paused for a bit and implied they were being douchebags, before deciding I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of putting me off in my singing or getting a proper rise out of me. Eventually they left and the girls didn't go with them despite their constant hounding.

But I'd like to know a better way of dealing with guys when they behave in a way that's very unambiguously crossing a line, and I feel like openly mocking somebody is pretty clearly crossing a line and crossing my personal boundaries. I mean it would be satisfying to just beat the crap out of the guy but I know that's a completely stupid decision that would probably just get me booted from the place anyway. But surely there has to be an assertive middle-ground between socking a guy and just copping his harassment on the chin? I'm trying to find a good way of dealing with people like this, one that doesn't mean getting violent OR letting them get away with walking all over you.

Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated!

First Chris recognize that you did avoid any violence and its consequences. So you won in that you obtained that important personnel objective.

The problem is that you felt 'bad about it', part of you felt you were being mocked without redress.This is the result of a "reactive mind".In this sense you were letting them control your thinking, which of course was their objective. You must come to a place in your own mind where nobody can control you mentally this way and thus have the negative impact on you that this incident did.

I suspect that this was a volatile situation as you point out these guys wanted to have sex with the girls and yet the girls attention was on you. I say 'volatile' as we are not some different from other species in this 'mating behavior'. In the animal world males fight for the right to mate. Hence your response avoided what could well have turned very ugly and violent.

So once again we see the conflict is within you, a voice says inside "I should have done more to establish I was not to be abused in this fashion'. But what point would have been served in provoking them? Clearly none that would serve you. Your self-image is what is bothering you, But if you solidify that self image and see through the kind of manipulation these guys were trying on you, then it can be transcended and you can be non-reactive in your own mind. You will see them as simply 'losers barking at the Moon'.

It is not a perfect world is it my friend? I think you handled it well really. Try to think of what the 'non reactive mind set' means.It means you don't let them control your mind or make you feel bad about yourself. As a bouncer/cooler I had people verbally challenge me a lot. Once I realized they all said they were going to 'beat my face to Raspberry Jam" etc, I no longer reacted to it the same way I did at first when I began that work. The result was not only far less violence than there would have been otherwise, but my feeling good about my ability to make it happen that way. In a sense I felt like I was controlling myslef which allowed me to control 'them'.


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Peyton Quinn


I can answer questions on actual self-defense for today’s world and contrast the very critical difference between ‘martial arts training’ and actual comprehensive self-defense training. In particular, I have 24 years of experience training people to deal effectively and employ productively the adrenal stress reaction, which is the only thing one can really count on in a true self-defense emergency. I also worked as ‘bouncer” and “cooler” in the seventies and my knowledge is not theoretical but experiential. While my primary experience is in “hand to hand” fighting and training people in this skill, In addition I was employed by a major industry player to conduct terminal ballistic tests on all handgun calibers of all manufacturers and their bullet designs to determine their effectiveness in ‘stopping power”. I have no axes to grind in this field and I just call it as I see it from actual experience and over eight hundred shooting cases I researched in conjunction with my contract to evaluate terminal ballistics (stopping power of handgun loads and calibers)


Black Belt Magazine called my RMCAT program “The best short term self-defense program existent”. This was unprecedented in their 40 years of publishing their magazine and this followed their year long study of “reality based self-defense programs”. My program is based on adrenal stress conditioning thorough scenario based training and fight scenarios using specially armored assailants that allows absolute full contact to head and groin areas. I have been instructing this training with my staff for 22 years at present. I am a member of the Black Belt Hall of Fame and was named “Self-Defense Instructor of the Year in 2008 by Black Belt Magazine. I have advanced rank in Wado Ryu Karate, Judo, Aikido and Wing Chung Gung Fu. I also have experience in other martial arts, but I recognize that martial arts training is not true and comprehensive self-defense training for today’s world. I have instructed firearms training for self-defense for over 20 years and I once ran a liquor store where I was forced to employ firearms for my own survival. I have degrees in mathematics, Psychology and Education from my studies at The university of Colorado and the University of Texas. I have very strong knowledge of terminal ballistics of handguns from my employment in this field to determine the stopping power of handgun loads from both ballistic gelatin tests and actual case studies of shootings. I continue to instruct firearms for self-defense through scenario based training as I have for many years now.

I have written serval books, the most relevant on the topic of self-defense and martial art being “ A Bouncer’s Guide to Barroom Brawling’ many feel this book changed the Martial Arts industry, and Real Fighting : Adrenal Stress Conditioning Through Scenario Based Training. This last book was named one of the best books ever written on self-defense by Black Belt Magazine along with Mushashi’s “Book of Five Rings” and Bruce Lee’s Tao of Jeet Kung Do”. My articles have appeared in Black Belt Magazine, Inside Knug Fu, and The National Association of Professional Martial Artist (NAPMA) where I have a monthly column called “Reality Check”. I have other publications dealing with the effect od the adrenal reaction on learning and memory among these “Freedom From Fear: Taking back control of Your life and Dissolving Depression”. I also have written on the relationship between the adrenal complex and the biochemistry of PTSD.

Bachelor of Science: Psychology Bachelor of Arts: Mathematics Certified Secondary School Education: Mathematics Black Belts in Karate, Judo Fukishidoan rank (Shodan level Black Belt) in Aikido Graduate of Lethal Force Institute

Awards and Honors
Black Belt Hall of Fame Member Self-Defense Instructor of the Year 2008 My book “Real Fighting: Adrenal Stress Conditioning Through Scenario Based Training “ was named one of the five best books ever written on self-defense and martial arts by Black Belt Magazine. In 1973 my software program’ Software development of the Sheldon Domain” a pattern recognition algorithm was awarded 2nd place by the IEEE society

Past/Present Clients
IBM,Philco Ford, Wells Fargo and several security related firms.

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