Expert: John - 11/4/2009

Question
QUESTION: I think I am addicted to sex. I wannna have it all the time. It used to be just masturbation, I'd do it about 4-7 times a day. Then I lost my virginity last year(I'm 17) and now all i want to do is have sex with my GF. I love her a whole lot, but I also love her sexy body, her ass is just so great. Good news is all that masturbating paid off because she says she loves the sex. On average we try to do it at least 2-3 times a day, but I really want to do it whenever we have free time together.Is this healthy for a 17 year old male?

ANSWER: I am strongly of the opinion that "normal" doesn't really exist, purely an illusion created by the society where you live. So that seems like a silly thing to worry about to me.

As far as if it is healthy, that's an important question. I think it is pretty healthy for someone new to sex to want to do it a lot. What is healthy for you is hard to say, 2-3 times a day is a lot in most any culture. If the relationship has become mostly about the sex, I would say that isn't healthy.

The frequent masturbation habits probably translated directly into a frequent sex habit. Some things to ask yourself, do you feel satisfied after sex? Do you think about sex a lot when you are not having it?

Do you think taking a break for a day or two would be an issue for you?

Most of the time I tell people if you are worried about something being unhealthy, that tends to be a good indicator that it is. So maybe cutting back a bit, once a day or once every other day save the 2-3 times a day for special occasions. Maybe just take a break for a 2-3 day period every once in a while and see how your mind reacts to that. Remember the key thing here is that you are going to want to have sex as much as you are used to having sex so if you get used to lower frequency you will be ok with lower frequency and those days where you get 2-3 good sessions in will be amazing!

I wouldn't stress too much though at 17, just stay safe. Hopefully your school taught all about contraception and anything else you might need.

Enjoy,

John

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for answering so quickly.

Yes I feel very satisfied after sex, but I still want more. While I don't think about it constantly, I still think about it a lot. But I don't think/fantasize about having it, I tend to think about strategy; like how I will give her oral this time around, if the sex will be rough or not, what positions I will use, where it will be. That kind of stuff. Like I
said it isn't all the time, but I do think about it a lot.

I could go a day or two without, but beyond that I have to have sex. I could just masturbate, but it isn't the same. I need the feel of a women, I need the make her orgasm. Sex wouldn't be sex for me without it.

Answer
Well, this is a weird spot for me because I can't really exactly TELL you hey "you are an addict" because I don't know everything, I don't feel what you feel, and I am not in your shoes. In addition if I tell you that, you will likely resist it so ultimately it is something you need to decide for yourself. Though I can give you some of what I am seeing here for you to consider.

However there are two big red flags for me here. The first is that you say you are satisfied after but still want more. Two things are going on here with that, one you aren't really satisfied because you still are craving more afterword. The second thing is that you are DENYING to yourself that you aren't satisfied. The second red flag for me here is that you think about it a lot, this is a form of obsession.

In addition a day or two before you feel you NEED to have sex? "Have to have sex." implies lack of choice, which tends to be another red flag, because it indicates the sex is controlling you and not the other way around.

Just some things to consider.


Best of luck,

John