Sex Addictions/Girlfriend in bed.

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Question
My girlfriend and I are both adults, Im 23 and she is 27. A couple of months ago we tried anal sex for the first time and it was great, she said she had felt me in a way she could never imagine. Anyway after that night, whenever we have sex she says lets do anal, I am not against anal but I prefer normal vaginal intercourse. At times when Im waking up in the mornings she tries to arouse me and stuffs it in her bum by herself, I swear I do not know how to tackle this situation. I mean once she starts I dont want to stop, but I want to be able to make her want vaginal sex more. Yesterday morning while waking up I noticed she was rubbing herself on me and I pretended to be asleep, but because I wasnt asleep my erection got full, and she thought I being asleep wouldnt notice, so she put lots of lubrication and simply sat on it till it went all the way up her bum, even when ıve told her not to sit on me while im asleep. Does she need help?

Answer
No. I don't think she needs help at this point. Anal sex is exhilarating for some women. It is because the nerves in the rectum are more sensitive that it gives more pleasuring sensation than the vagina. There is still some debate about what I am going to tell you next. But most researches agree that rectums get tighter quicker after sex than vaginas. Vaginas loose their tightness after a lot of sex but will eventually become tight, maybe not as a 15 year old virgin's but never the less tight.  The rectum does as well to accommodate a penis but it will typically get tighter quicker than a vagina. It takes less timer for a anus to get tight again than it does a vagina. Perhaps, she enjoys the feeling. Sometimes when one finds a new sexual act they like they will do it obsessively, just like when some young people have sex all the time. it is new to them and it is a different exciting feeling and they want to feel it all the time. Perhaps, the newness of this act will dissipate in the near future. Why don't you "make a schedule" of when you both agree to do anal. I know that sounds weird, sex is usually spontaneous. But why don't you guys set some ground rules and hold firm. Maybe you all decide that 3 out 5 times each week you have sex will be anal. Or maybe you tell her anal is something more enjoyed after a long day and not as you just wake up. Work out a plan that is acceptable to you and her. You have a right to set boundaries. There should definitely be a boundary over waking up to her making you do anal. Set some rules down about and perhaps this will help you too out. Communication is key. Remember anal sex is the number 1 way to spread diseases, especially HIV. I suggest you always use a condom unless you know for a fact neither one of you have any STD's.  I hope this helps. If not, write back.

Sex Addictions

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Leigh, BS, QMHP, QMRP

Expertise

I can answer questions about what it is like to be a sex addict, what out-patient therapy entails and about self-help groups. I can help you find resources in your area if you feel you need help. I can tell you what I have done to change my behavior and how I no longer act out. I can answer questions of how to help someone you suspect my have this addiction. I can offer advice for those who are or have been involved with a sex addict. I can inform you of traits, behaviors and symptoms of sex addiction. I am not someone who is looking at sex addiction from the outside and offering answers on what I think it may be like for an addict I am a real person who is living the life of a sex addict, in remission, who can tell you exactly what it is like. I am not like others who base their answers on what they read about in a journal, book or presume to know what it is like. I know from living the life of a sex addict what it is like, how to change, how to get help, and what your partner can do to help you and help themselves. Let it be known that I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or medical doctor. I am a sex addict who can offer my personal experience of living being a sex addict. If you need to talk to a sex addict, then you can talk openly with me. You can always make your question private by checking the appropriate box before sending your question. I will not judge you. I am a social worker who has worked with people with mental illness, alcoholism, drug addiction and sex addiction issues.

Experience

I am a recovering sex addict. I have been diagnosed professionally most recently by the professionals at PCS in Scottsdale AZ in 2008. Previously, by out-patient therapists. I have been an addict for over 18 years. I have been clean for over 2 years. Each program and each person defines clean or sober for themselves. I have participated in intensive out-patient therapy, on-going individual therapy, medication medicinal treatment and self-help groups. I do not represent PCS, my therapists or my 12-step groups. What I give as a response is based on my experience as a sex addict, and someone who has and is engaged in multiple modes of treatment for sex addiction.

Organizations
CHADD NAMI

Publications
bp Forsyth Families

Education/Credentials
BS in Sociology BS in Criminal Justice 3 years towards Masters in Professional Counseling

Past/Present Clients
I work as a Social Worker. My clients have diagnoses relating to substance abuse and mental health. All of my current clients are involved in the criminal justice system.

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