About Derek Johnson Expertise Sexual addiction is a form of thinking. Many factors can contribute including: obsessions, compulsions, depression, anxiety, distortions of thought, low self-esteem, anger, mood disorders, controlling behaviors, inferiority, fear and stress.
Experience I offer counseling (http://www.kasamba.com/derek-johnson) of all types -drugs, alcohol, sexual, anger, depression, co-dependency, anxiety, grief, stress, eating disorders, distortions of thought, compulsions, mood disorders, controlling behaviors, inferiority, marriage and family, motivation, life coaching, relapse prevention and recovery counseling- from an eclectic approach.
My abilities are being refined daily by supervising a counseling center that offers counseling to 120 clients. I have 10 years of direct care in all counseling arenas. I also have 2 years experience working with the mentally handicapped. Additionally, I have 2 years experience in Marriage and Family relationship issues. I have personally and unfortunately experienced sexual abuse, a suicide attempt and many addictions. This gives me a unique perspective in helping others.
Organizations Teen Challenge of Florida Florida Certification Board International Society for Mental Health Online International Certification & Reciprocity Consortium
Education/Credentials Certified Mental Health Professional # 50190 (MA)/ Certified Addiction Professional #3279 (MA) / Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Sociology / Internationally Certified Counselor #24570 / Certified by the Florida Certification Board / Certified by International Certification & Reciprocity Consortium / NET Institute Diploma for Counseling and Addiction Studies
Question Hi. My wife's sex drive seems to be out of control, I can't seem to
satisfy her,I do satisfy her giving her multiple orgasms and is always
very content but within minutes she is always wanting more, she is ready
at the drop of a bucket. I am 48 she 46 soon to be 49 & 47, I get tired
I cannot perform as often as she would like and to be very serious it
would be all the time give or take time to rest up a few minutes. I work
anywhere from 4-6 days a week 10 hour days I get tired and it just
isn't in my routine sometimes. She has asked that I at least fondle her
while I eat or am on computer or watching television and that may calm her
needs down but I know it will only rev her up more and sometimes i just
don't have the energy. I know she is absolutely crazy about me always
talking about me, always thinking of me, when I am not home she is
always looking at pictures of me, speaking of pictures, she is now playing
with a digital camera and taking snap shots of herself loading them on
the computer for me to view, they are very explicit photos of her
masturbating, naked etc, they are gorgeous but i don't know if its getting
out of hand, she fondles herself anytime she can and now wants to take
photos of the 2 of us together, her performing oral sex on me and I
penetrating her. the thought of it drives her wild. We have been married
almost 3 years, her sex drive has always been high but its just lately
she is masturbating taking the photos using objects such as a kegal
device hot dogs sausage her fingers, I get close to her and she comes
untamed she could be washing clothes and get ahold of my underwear and all
thats on her mind is sex. Everything about me drives her wild. She has
been in some pretty messed up relationships that has almost destroyed her
confidence in herself, and though she is so oversexed she is still very
shy . she at first was so embarrassed to let me see her naked, and now
she is really opening up through the pictures. during intercourse she
has multiple orgasms she has never experienced in past relationships, as
she says I ring the bell and blow the whistle. I guess my question is
how do i tame her down? She wants sex ALL the time, and I have to admit
i have rejected her in some very unpleasant ways making her think
something is wrong with her but there isn't it was just because I am tired
and or taking medications that make my performance zilch. I know she
would never cheat on me she insists it is me who has put this drive in her
and her behavior alone tells me I am all she sees wants and desires.
she is so deeply in love with me she explains the needs she has for me
make her want to be so close to me that when we are making love she feels
so much more a part of me, also she had a tubal about 10 years ago due
to health issues and because she cannot bare anymore children it makes
her feel less confident because she cannot have a child with a man she
is so deeply in love with and so devoted to. It does not bother me at
all i prefer not to have anymore children, we share one boy together
hers,, out of another marriage and I have adopted him but to her it is not
the same, she explains what a joy it would be to carry a part of me
inside her for 9 months, she always says the way we become one one during
love making makes her want to do it all the time and I wonder if its
because she cannot be satisfied because she cannot become pregnant. I
love my wife and would do all i can for her but I just cannot perform as
often as she would like.
Clyde
Answer Hi Clyde, thank you for contacting me.
From the information given I would speculate that your wife has some sexual addiction characteristics. From what you describe her entire identity has been totally consumed by sex with you. Even in the confines of marriage it is not emotionally healthy for her to become consumed in this manner.
Characteristics of any addiction include loss of control (not being able to stop), tolerance (needing more and more to satisfy) and withdrawal (having symptoms when the source of the addiction is not available). It appears that your wife has all three of these characteristics.
In order to curb her desires, she would need to seek help in order to determine why she has become obsessed and addiction in this manner. There are some real core issues as to why this behavior has manifested. I would speculate that this is probably not the first time, given her age.
My suggestion would be to find her a female sexual addiction group in your area that she can attend. Otherwise, left untreated, she is going to continue to make unreasonable demands that are not going to be met. And this will lead to a host of other issues.
