Expert: Hilary - 7/19/2009

Question
Hi. I’m a 28 year old female who has never had sexual intercourse or oral sex. I wish I was in a relationship and I wish I had a sex life. Unfortunately, I haven’t really dated much and I’m not dating now, so it looks like my situation won’t change any time soon. No one knows that I’m a virgin, and I feel like I'm the only woman my age who has never done it. This issue has made me feel depressed, lonely, ugly, starved for affection, and immature for my age.

After visiting some web forums, the consensus seems to be that guys my age and older don’t want to date a virgin because they’re afraid she’ll become too attached once they have sex. The guys also said they don’t want to have to teach her; they want a woman who knows what she’s doing.

Because of my age, I feel like I’m running out of time. I think about sex a lot and I’d hoped I would have sex in my twenties, but I’m really worried that won’t happen now. Is it too late for me? How can I feel better about myself and my situation? If I do meet I guy I really like and it gets to the point where I want to have sex with him, how do I tell him that I’ve never done it without him rejecting me?

Sorry for the long post. I appreciate any advice you may have for me.

K.V.

Answer
Don't get so down! Think about all those people who save it for marriage, and don't get married until their late 30's or later!

Don't focus on the sex. It's not important. Find someone who loves you for you, and they'll understand.

I'm not a dating expert, but you should go out! Find a club or NICE bar, and make a friend. Go to a concert and try to talk to some guys. Pick up the guy working at Journeys at the mall. Just jump into the scene!

You can even try those e-dating sites.

In my area, we have an independent newspaper where you can submit "Love" Classifieds for dating and "Lust" Classifieds for casual sex.

You might have something like that in your area.

Be careful out there, and good luck!