Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Confused


Hi. This is a very personal problem but my best friend told me about this site and said it's very trustworthy. So here is my issue.

I am 28 years old and and vaginally a virgin. I state it this way because I have preformed oral sex a few times and was told that counts as sex. I have had 4 (Yes only 4) boyfriends in my life and 2 of them were wonderful. The other 2, not so much.

My last boyfriend #4 was exactly 30 years my senior. Age never meant anything to me, it was not something I look or looked at. Our relationship was going great. He never pushed or wanted to have full intercourse. He seemed quite happy with the blow-jobs and occasional deep-throat that I would supply (Which is NOT the problem because I really enjoy this part of relationships. My problem is that when it comes to actual intercourse, I freeze. I quickly say "no" or "Stop" and I can't go through with it. This has happened on more then one occasion and was the cause of my last break up. My boyfriend wanted to please me and I could not let him.

What is wrong with me? I can't even handle a guy seeing my vagina let alone touching or even trying to touch it. I have tried to work through this "Sexual Anorexic" issue even working with my best friend who got her husband to try and help but it was no use.

How is it I can "Please" a man with NO Issues at all (Even offering on a date, P.S. I am not a slut (I don't think) as both boyfriends I knew for over a year before anything took place) and freeze for the "Real" thing?

When this first happened I was about 17 and thought I would grow out of it. Now being 28, I don't know, I am just so lost. Any Ideas?


I think you might need professional help to deal with this.  A competent sex therapist can help you be more relaxed and open about exercising your sexual desires.  You seem to be very self-conscious about your private parts.  Most men are so happy to be close to a vulva that they would never comment on how it looks.  In fact, most of them look very much alike.  If you let a man have access to your vulva or even your vagina, you would find them to be very enthusiastic.  

If the words "no" and "stop" are a problem, you could defuse them by defining them as words to be ignored, while having another word that means stop, like "microwave."  That approach might help you get started at intercourse.

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