Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Confused about sexual turn on
QUESTION: Hi I Tom, am a 24 yr old boy turning 25 in the next week,
I thought of explaining the whole thing to you rather in details, so that you would guide me in the right context,
Sorry this is going to be lengthy!!
I was just 17 when I had my first sex encounter, she was 3 yrs elder to me,
It was a surprise to me, to be frank I myself did not start this thing, I didnt even approach this girl, she was just a normal neighbor of mine, She was at my home when my parents had gone to my native place for some function, n I had this orientation day @ my school, which was a compulsion from the school authorities to attend,
It was a 2 day activity in the school, so I was all alone @ home, and her brother was to give me company so that I didnt feel/afraid in the night alone @ home, But some unknown reason she was @ my doorsteps, And the thing happened,
It was really wonderful that she introduced me to all these physical pleasures, it was a complete surprise to me
We didnt talk about this at all, even when I climaxed inside her, we didnt have a talking about what happened,
Days past n we both forgot abt it!!
She got married after some years.
I turned 20.
Then there was this second encounter that happened and this shook me totally!!
She was a whooping 45 years of age approx. twice as tall n bulky than me,
She started giving me those glances that I would rather expect from a girl of my age.
The staircase of my house is just opposite to one of her doors,
N whenever I climb down the staircase, there she was staring continuously @ me.(She continuous this even today)
@ the starting I thought of it to be just a mistake, but then she started spending time @ my house chatting with my mom,
N one day when I was alone @ home, she came with a basket in her hand (I understood mom had asked her to prepare lunch for me.)
I had started shivering @ that very moment, (it something like a robbery taking place @ my home)
Even after my constant avoiding to have food @ that very moment, she directly served me the lunch and sat beside me, went n bolted the door from behind n started pressing her body against me...
She was rather overpowering me, n I out of that anxiety gave up to her, I was completely dominated by her, she did some violent things to me that I didnt even have think about!!
I wanted to have that self control but it was just impossible for me to grab my senses, she had me tucked to her body, strapped my belt around us both and lifted me clear of the ground, that was very very painfull, she was performing similar to some wild animal,
And this ended up after a long time of 4 hrs @ a stretch,
I was completely exhausted after that, and my body was in great pain...
Somehow I dont know but this lady had me all in, we had many times been together n she was not @ all into this love kinda thing @ all, sex was all that she wanted, n she would leave after that quickly.. I knew this was evilness , bad practices.
The problem started after I moved to another place for my masters, where I found myself always attracted towards elder woman only. I dont find girls of my age sexually attractive to have sex with,
My mind set has turned upside down, its like I see girls of my age as pretty flowers n I dont want to hurt them, so this thing always keeps me from getting any girl into my life.... its a disaster seeing your friends with their girlfriends, n me with null....
N on other hand I feel like tearing woman apart during sex, most of the time I myself did some things to this lady that she was screaming n she bleeded twice....
I have started liking this domination thing of my neighbor, it has taken a big part off me... sometimes that lady n I would end up hurting each other, she used to scratch me n tear my skin into blisters...
I think all this happened because I amateur n didnt know the meaning of a successful relationship.
But now I dont want these things again in my present.. I want to get interested in girls of my age.... PLZZZZZZZZZZZ Help!!!
I am sorry for taking so long to get back to you.
This is the kind of situation that cannot be answered in a short way. If you cannot control your self or if you get no pleasure from "normal" sex, I believe that you should see a therapist. There are degrees of dominance in a relationship and many women like a "take charge " guy. The problem comes when you can only enjoy the more extreme forms of dominance. If pain and abuse are required, then you should see a therapist to get a handle on what is going on.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks for your reply Tom but I am making it a point to avoid every thing for that matter, its been 2 months now that I have not even looked at that woman,
But please guide me to get my interest back for girls of my age......
I find it very difficult to take interest in girls of my age!! :(
Its more like I might have an affair with a girl but not have sex with her.
I am sorry for taking so long to get back to you.
As I said before, therapy might be your best answer. In the mean time, you might try the fake it till you make it technique. Put your self in the position to interact with appropriate aged women. Flirt with them, learn to enjoy their company.
I do think therapy is your best answer.