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I am a very late bloomer, still a virgin and in a new relationship. When I say late bloomer, I mean I am in my early thirties. (I have had severe social anxiety, which I am being treated for.) My boyfriend does NOT know I am a virgin, and I don't want to tell him because I'm afraid it will put him off.  I am sure I will not have any pain, so my question is: Will HE be able to tell that it's my first time?  Obviously I will be nervous,and will have a few drinks beforehand. I just don't want him to know this; he would probably think I am a freak and abnormal and everything else. I don't want to scare him away.  I know honesty is very important, but I feel strongly about this one issue.  It is very very uncommon to have sex for the first time in your thirties, and I am very embarrassed by this too, which is another reason I don't want him to know.

Answer
Hi Holly

For a good many men, being the one that introduces you to sex is a good thing.   To avoid the stigma you perceive and to make your lack of experience reasonable tell him that you are not very experienced and that it has been a while.  If you have used toys, dildos or vibrators, you will at least know what having something in your vagina is like.  But I think your best move is to explain that you are not sexually active and that it has been a while.  That way he may take it slower and be more gentle.  And he will not expect you to be a skilled lover.  Then you can teach each other what works for you.

Good luck,

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Tom Blair

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Sexual Relationship Coaching. Publish author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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