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QUESTION: I have been having sex fantasies about other women alot lately and I am a woman myself. I am not bisexual or lesbian so why do these fantasies exist. When I try to see if I like women in public I dont but I do like the fantasies that I have. What is up with this?

ANSWER: Hi Sammie,

First of all, I wish to assure you that same-sex attraction is 100% normal.

I would be interested in how old you are? Many, many adolescents and young adults go through phases of same-sex attraction while you are trying to work out your sexuality.

If you are not lesbian or bi, I can understand how confusing these thoughts and fantasies can be for you!

Why do you have these thoughts? I believe that sexuality is not just black and white. There are different gradients, and fantasizing about a lesbian encounter does not bind you to the lesbian identity.

Personally, I often develop 'girl crushes' which will nearly exclusively be on female friends. For me, a close bond to a female and admiration for her frequently turns to lust.

Many people have fantasies that they would not necessarily ever want to act out. Someone might fantasize about receiving a golden shower (where the partner urinates on them)but if the opportunity actually came about they would be reviled.

Many factors can influence your fantasies. Past experiences, curiosity, relationships with the females and males in your life, any trauma, or phobias can ALL play a part in developing a person's sexuality.

It sounds like you yourself might be bi curious.

At the end of the day people can have the most bizarre fantasies. There is no need to stress about them. In any case, there is nothing whatsoever that you can do to change them!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am 26 years old. Would I be bi curious because I like the fantasies?

Answer
You may indeed be bi-curious. If you had actual sex with a female, there is a chance that you would enjoy it immensely! However, there is just as much chance that you would dislike it and decide that it is not as you had imagined it to be. Often fantasies can be a lot different in our heads than in real life.

Enjoying fantasies can indicate that you are "bi curious" but they do not mean that you are "bi".

If you were to have sex with another female and you like it, then there is a stronger chance that you are actually "bi sexual". I personally identify as being bi sexual because I have enjoyed sex with several females, and I would not rule out a relationship with a very close friend that I am attracted to and sexually compatible with.


However, a lot of people prefer not to label themselves. You do not necessarily HAVE to identify as bi or bi curious based on these fantasies you are having!

Some people just have a very vivid imagination without ever having the intention to have the sex that they so enjoy thinking about. I know many, many women your age who will even watch lesbian porn but would never want to actually do anything with a female themselves.

It is all up to you whether or not you decide to bring the fantasy to reality.  

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Sophia Kate

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I will answer, with much thought and detail, a variety of questions regarding sex and human sexuality. I can advise people on how best to improve their sex life according to their personal circumstances. I am always ready to provide ideas and suggestions to others if they are struggling to find new and innovative ways to "spice things up". I am unwilling to provide advice that facilitates illegal sexual activities (such as bestiality, sexual assault, etc). That being said, I am always non-judgmental when I do choose to answer a question. Please do not attempt to engage me in "dirty talk" or attempt to engage my services as a prostitute! I am not acting in my capacity as a sex worker on this website. I will answer serious questions only.

Experience

I am a professional sex worker. I am a sought-after private escort who has also had experience working in brothels and erotic massage parlors. I believe that this equips me with a vast knowledge of human sexuality and desires. My clients present with a wide array of fetishes and requests, so I have experience in catering to different tastes and fancies. It is this that gives me confidence in my ability to talk to and help others with their sex questions.

Organizations
Scarlet Alliance- This is Australia's national organization that supports sex workers.

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I regularly write and submit articles to Scarlet Alliance regarding issues that affect sex workers. The articles that I write range from being activist in nature to being more of an educational tool.

Education/Credentials
Law school graduate (Melbourne University). Therefore, I have achieved a Bachelor of Laws.

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I currently have dozens of clients who not only engage my services for sex, but also for the purposes of asking my opinion about their sexual circumstances and how they can improve their sex lives. My clients also provide me with an insight into the mind of a functioning, sexual being.

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