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I am in a new relationship and I know sex will happen pretty soon. However, I am 31 and this is my first relationship and am still a virgin. (I have had extreme anxiety, and am being treated for this).  I have experience in using vibrators and dildos, so I am not worried about sex being painful.  I really Do NOT want to tell my boyfriend about my being a virgin because I think and am pretty sure it would scare him off. And he would wonder why I am still a virgin at my age.  MY question is:  Will HE be able to tell when we have sex that I am a virgin? Am I supposed to move with him and mirror his movements?  Is there anything else I should know how to do or what to do when we have sex?  Also, (Sorry for so many questions) I have tried performing oral sex on a vibrator, and I gag after only taking a little of it in. How can I improve my technique so that I can take more of it into my mouth without gagging??  Thank you so much for your advice!

Answer
Congratulations on deciding to become sexually active!  Very few males have had sexual experience involving older virgin females.  The chances that he could tell you are a virgin by having sex with you are very small.  If you are having sex in the missionary position, it would be quite energetic for you to mirror his movements.  Most females remain pretty still during intercourse.  Most wrap their legs around the male's in a position that makes it comfortable for them but don't make much movement during penetration.  He would not think it unusual if you were more still than animated during your first intercourse together.

I would advise not trying oral sex until you are experienced at vaginal intercourse.  Being comfortable with an erect penis is the biggest hindrance to succeeding at oral intercourse.  

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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