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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/is he attracted to me??


Hi. I am 30 but have had little dating experience because I have had low self-esteem most of my life. However, things have improved in the last year or so. Quite a bit and I'm very happy about it. This is my situation: I am in my first sexual relationship. It it still new, and we have had sex a few times. My boyfriend always drinks some alcohol right before we have sex, enough to get him buzzed. My question is: Does this mean he is not truly attracted to me? (He was sober when he asked me out). He is not a shy person at all. When we have sex, he does enjoy it and wants to pleasure me and make me orgasm.  I just wonder why he has to have the alcohol beforehand. Yes, I am insecure still, but this makes me wonder if he really does find me attractive or not. If you could give me some thoughts or wisdom I would really appreciate it. This is driving me crazy!!

Hi Holley,

Do not stress, for I can tell that he is sexually attracted to you because of one of the first things you said about him- you mentioned that he is "not a shy person at all". This to me indicates that if he did not like you sexually, you two would never have become an item.

He might just be nervous, anxious or stressed in general (which is common if this relationship is just new). In fact, alcohol often prevents a person from being able to have an orgasm, or even get an erection (if you are a male). If he can perform quite normally after a few drinks, then your attractiveness is not at issue!

He may have convinced himself that he is a better lover after a few drinks. Harking back to what I just said about guys not being able to ejaculate in some cases after a few drinks, some guys choose to drink so they will not suffer premature ejaculation.

Although I don't think that having alcohol every time you are about to have sex is necessarily a healthy mindset, I have reason to believe that it is quite common (or at least, not Uncommon for people to do so) and it in no way reflects badly on the partner.

Have a look at this page I have linked. You will soon see why many guys think it is a marvelous idea:

This is not an exclusively male thing. Drinking before sex is not gendered. Many women do this as well to calm nerves, etc.

I am sure that your boyfriend thinks you are fine. It seems like he is trying to impress you more! If a confident person did not think much of you, he would not "settle" for you, so to speak. I am certain that he DOES want you and that he DOES think you are sexy.

Good luck! Feel free to follow up if there are any more issues.

Sophia x  

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Sophia Kate


I will answer, with much thought and detail, a variety of questions regarding sex and human sexuality. I can advise people on how best to improve their sex life according to their personal circumstances. I am always ready to provide ideas and suggestions to others if they are struggling to find new and innovative ways to "spice things up". I am unwilling to provide advice that facilitates illegal sexual activities (such as bestiality, sexual assault, etc). That being said, I am always non-judgmental when I do choose to answer a question. Please do not attempt to engage me in "dirty talk" or attempt to engage my services as a prostitute! I am not acting in my capacity as a sex worker on this website. I will answer serious questions only.


I am a professional sex worker. I am a sought-after private escort who has also had experience working in brothels and erotic massage parlors. I believe that this equips me with a vast knowledge of human sexuality and desires. My clients present with a wide array of fetishes and requests, so I have experience in catering to different tastes and fancies. It is this that gives me confidence in my ability to talk to and help others with their sex questions.

Scarlet Alliance- This is Australia's national organization that supports sex workers.

I regularly write and submit articles to Scarlet Alliance regarding issues that affect sex workers. The articles that I write range from being activist in nature to being more of an educational tool.

Law school graduate (Melbourne University). Therefore, I have achieved a Bachelor of Laws.

Past/Present Clients
I currently have dozens of clients who not only engage my services for sex, but also for the purposes of asking my opinion about their sexual circumstances and how they can improve their sex lives. My clients also provide me with an insight into the mind of a functioning, sexual being.

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