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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Please review and improve my technique for sex. What do you think?


Dear Sophia Kate,

I'm a 19 year old guy from England, UK. I hope you can answer this question for me, as i believe i can really learn so much from a woman like you when it comes to sex :) It is my dream that one day, i may give any woman the night she'll never forget.

Firstly however, i want to share something i discovered about myself, that affects how i have sex. I have had sex only occasionally before i split up with my girlfriend last year.
After a few awkward, intimate but passionate sexual experiences with her, I found that whenever i ejaculate, i stop sex almost immediately afterwards. Also, my penis becomes flaccid just as quickly, and i suffer very badly from headaches the few days later. My sexual energy and libido totally disappears for a few days. I looked online, thinking that i may have a medical condition, but i found it's very common, especially with young males my age.

So i learned that, for me, it's best to abstain from any sort of ejaculation. Doing this has not only made my penis more sensitive (and hence sex became much more pleasurable for me), but made my penis harder and gave me more control over my techniques, thrusts and when i finish. It also means that i can perform sexually to any amount of time that suits me. I believe it's really helpful.
After a long while of having sex without ejaculation, i have orgasms anyway, and they're 10x more pleasurable than regular ejaculatory orgasms (apparently, this type of method of sex without ejaculation is an important teaching in tantra and taoist sex).
This has meant that my goal is to totally abstain from ejaculation, while also giving a woman totally breathtaking, multi-orgasmic sex.
This has led me to research the overall sexual technique of bringing a woman to orgasm by slower, steadier thrusts, and then changing positions after she has orgasmed to stimulate a different area of her vagina, while stopping myself from ejaculating. Is this a good technique in your opinion? Or do you think i should follow another technique?

Secondly, I've been researching a lot on sexual techniques, and the following paragraphs i will write is my 'process' during sex. I know that sex is a very personal and romantic thing (for me anyway), so i know i shouldn't follow my process to the word everytime with every girl. But this is roughly what i plan to do with a woman i will make love to. I know that you're much more knowledgeable in this field than I, so it'll be very much appreciated if you could make corrections and improvements to my process if you can, so a woman will discover even more pleasure and orgasms than i first thought possible!

I will start foreplay by kissing her in various places and slowly undressing her. This occurs while i touch her in highly-sensitive places, including in between her thighs, her hips and behind, around her breasts in a circular motion, her neck and anywhere where there are much smaller hairs on her body (this is a good indicator of sensitive areas of skin. Touching these hairs without skin contact is also very erotic for a woman). If she doesn't mind it, i will taste her neck with kisses and tongue, and breathe on the area of her neck i kissed, evaporating the saliva and sending (erotic) chills down her back.
Before long, i will start kissing the area around her vagina and clitoris (like her inner thighs and hips), but not actually go there immediately. This teasing of that area will heighten the arousal by the time i do reach that area.
When i do reach the vagina and clitoris, i will use my tongue to give her oral sex. I heard it's a good idea to spell out the alphabet really quickly  with the tongue on her clitoris, and french kiss it too. I will continue doing this, giving her quick and varied tongue strokes on her clitoris, until she is on the edge of orgasm.
Before she does orgasm however, i will penetrate her quite shallow in her vagina. I will use the 'coital alignment technique' to stimulate her clitoris rather than her vagina, and keep grinding and putting pressure on her clitoris until she orgasms.
When she orgasms, i will use the short time she needs to recover to give her more affectionate touching, caressing and kissing all around her body, while i insert my finger(s) into her vagina to start stimulating her G-spot. I will use quick motions without too much variation of stroke to bring her to the edge of orgasm again (teasing her) before i penetrate.
When she's almost on the edge of orgasm via stimulation if the G-spot, i will then penetrate midway into her vagina using the friction of my penis to further massage her G-spot, using quicker thrusts. I will continue the rhythm, depth and intensity of the thrusts by using my forearms and elbows to support myself until she orgasms again.
After the orgasms from the G-spot, i will use this time to further the intimacy with slow and passionate mouth-to-mouth/neck kisses and massaging her forearms and inner thighs. I will then lick all her female ejaculatory fluid from her vagina and proceed to her final and most intense orgasms.
After i have orally cleaned her fluids from her vagina and engaged in more intimacy, i will use my fingers to reach the farthest they can reach in the vagina to the cervix. Once i found the cervix, i can easily locate the muscle tissue that is just in front and above her cervix. This muscle tissue is responsible for contracting when a woman experiences orgasms, so stimulating and massaging them will leave the woman no choice but to orgasm relentlessly. So once she is ready, i'll start rubbing and stroking this part of the vagina in rapid and varying strokes until she is dripping wet again.
After the stimulating of the back of the vagina until wet, i'll raise her legs on top of my shoulders, and lean over her so her own knees are caressing her breasts and i'm still close enough to kiss her while penetrating her. As she gets close to orgasm, i'll grip her behind her shoulders to pull her downwards during the deep thrusts to hit the back wall of her vagina more. This technique will allow me to go much deeper into her vagina and reach the wall of muscle tissue that i previously stimulated, and thrust deeply into her repeatedly until she cannot possibly orgasm any more.
Then, i will pull out with her totally satisfied/or repeat (with myself hopefully not having already ejaculated). I'll spend the rest of the time licking and sucking all of her fluids out of her vagina, kissing her intimate places again and stroking her hair until she falls asleep in my arms.

What do you think of my way of having sex? If there's any way you can improve it to make it more pleasurable for the woman, i'd love to know. I think the frequent changing of positions means i won't have to ejaculate either.



Hi Ryan,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the techniques that you are suggesting at all. You seem to put a heavy emphasis on foreplay which is good. However, the only thing I will suggest to you is to not make so many assumptions. Your proposed method of having sex is very prescriptive, which is absolutely fine-as a sex worker I have often had a bit of a "routine"  myself, depending on the client and situation.

Each woman is different and will respond in different ways. You need to prepare yourself for something that does not occur according to your plan. For example, she might not get wet after something that you do. She might also ask you to stop doing something because she actually does not like it. Also bear in mind that any women cannot have multiple orgasms (or don't know how to) so she might not be able to get turned on again after the first one. Some girls can handle long sessions of sex and some prefer to keep things shorter!

My advice would be to find out precisely what your partner likes/wants, and have her reinforce you with positive verbalization to make it easier. Communication is key too.

So, in short, you can certainly stick to your actual techniques, but you really have to be prepared for modifications. Do not expect that she will respond in the way you are assuming. Women orgasm in different ways as a response to different things.

Take care! I'm sure you will be fine :)

Sophia x

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Sophia Kate


I will answer, with much thought and detail, a variety of questions regarding sex and human sexuality. I can advise people on how best to improve their sex life according to their personal circumstances. I am always ready to provide ideas and suggestions to others if they are struggling to find new and innovative ways to "spice things up". I am unwilling to provide advice that facilitates illegal sexual activities (such as bestiality, sexual assault, etc). That being said, I am always non-judgmental when I do choose to answer a question. Please do not attempt to engage me in "dirty talk" or attempt to engage my services as a prostitute! I am not acting in my capacity as a sex worker on this website. I will answer serious questions only.


I am a professional sex worker. I am a sought-after private escort who has also had experience working in brothels and erotic massage parlors. I believe that this equips me with a vast knowledge of human sexuality and desires. My clients present with a wide array of fetishes and requests, so I have experience in catering to different tastes and fancies. It is this that gives me confidence in my ability to talk to and help others with their sex questions.

Scarlet Alliance- This is Australia's national organization that supports sex workers.

I regularly write and submit articles to Scarlet Alliance regarding issues that affect sex workers. The articles that I write range from being activist in nature to being more of an educational tool.

Law school graduate (Melbourne University). Therefore, I have achieved a Bachelor of Laws.

Past/Present Clients
I currently have dozens of clients who not only engage my services for sex, but also for the purposes of asking my opinion about their sexual circumstances and how they can improve their sex lives. My clients also provide me with an insight into the mind of a functioning, sexual being.

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