Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Oral Sex

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Question
Hi Sophia. How are you? Hope you are doing fine.
I am Kartik and i am from India. We had a arranged marriage and it has been 3 years now. But in this 3 years of marriage although we had good sex, but in terms of oral sex we are lacking a lot. This makes my sex life dull.
My wife is not very comfortable in oral sex. Here are my problems.
1. First of all she does not allow me to smooch. She says that she gets thin black line around her lips. I don't have any idea why does she get it.
2. I like wild sex but my wife likes smooth and soft sex. I always want to bite her and lick her whole body. She says it hurts her a lot and does not like the smell of the saliva on her body. She says both the smell of the saliva and pain when i bite her turns her mood down and for me if i don't bite and lick her it turns my mood down.
3. I always lick her pussy and her ass. It gives her a good feel and turns her mood up. But when i try to finger her ass and pussy she gets angry and scolds me and finally we stop doing things. I read lot of articles on how to give a orgasm to a lady by licking and fingering and even i tried to educate her but she is very very reluctant to move forward.
4. I always ask her to give me kiss me all over and some times bite my nipples as well. She does not kiss me but bites my nipples sometimes. But when it comes to suck my cock she says she cannot do it. This turns me down a lot.
I even tried to show her some porn movies to educate her but she could not watch it even for a min as she is very shy and she is does not like such movies.
Please advice me and let me know if there is any mistake from my side.
I am asking you these problems as you are a lady and you can understand a ladies problem well. Sorry for asking too many questions and thank you for reading my problems. I love my wife a lot so do not want to have any affair with any other lady. Please help me in this case.

Answer
Hi Kartik,

arranged marriages can be awkward in the sense that the two people involved are not necessarily very sexually compatible. This can be improved, but it involves work from both parties, and a lot of understanding and mutual respect.

A thin black line is very unusual indeed. Perhaps it is bruising if she has been kissed too hard, but I am no medical expert. You could try giving smaller kisses that do not involve as much tongue and gauge her comfort levels. If you kiss very gently, I'm sure this thin line can be prevented. Try to avoid stubble if her skin is sensitive.

There is a problem if you can only get turned on by biting and licking, whereas she gets turned off by those behaviours. I would recommend seeing a sexologist and a couples counsellor. If going down on her turns you on, and it turns her on you could try sticking to that. If she says that it hurts her a lot for you to lick and bite her then you should perform this gently. Try having sex in a bath or shower if the smell of saliva is off-putting for her.

If she already tells you off for fingering her- then listen to her! If you ignore her and keep doing it, she will just get angrier and angrier. It might be better to ask her if there are any toys that she would like to use. Perhaps she would like to be penetrated with something else. Maybe rub her clitoris, as this is not penetrative.

Perhaps suggest a condom for oral sex on you. I know you are a married couple but for some ladies the smell, or taste can seem very daunting. When a condom is used, these problems are greatly diminished. A flavoured one can be fun.

The best thing is to ask her what sort of things she would like. Openly question her about what she wants sexually. Explain that you both need to enjoy yourselves and that you want to be faithful. Perhaps you could read some online articles together. You could ask her to guide you and show you what she likes, instead of getting angry with you.

Perhaps think of fantasies during sex to keep you turned on. Perhaps the two of you could even try talking dirty to each other, and teasing each other.

I hope the two of you find some common ground and I wish you good luck!

Sophia  

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Sophia Kate

Expertise

I will answer, with much thought and detail, a variety of questions regarding sex and human sexuality. I can advise people on how best to improve their sex life according to their personal circumstances. I am always ready to provide ideas and suggestions to others if they are struggling to find new and innovative ways to "spice things up". I am unwilling to provide advice that facilitates illegal sexual activities (such as bestiality, sexual assault, etc). That being said, I am always non-judgmental when I do choose to answer a question. Please do not attempt to engage me in "dirty talk" or attempt to engage my services as a prostitute! I am not acting in my capacity as a sex worker on this website. I will answer serious questions only.

Experience

I am a professional sex worker. I am a sought-after private escort who has also had experience working in brothels and erotic massage parlors. I believe that this equips me with a vast knowledge of human sexuality and desires. My clients present with a wide array of fetishes and requests, so I have experience in catering to different tastes and fancies. It is this that gives me confidence in my ability to talk to and help others with their sex questions.

Organizations
Scarlet Alliance- This is Australia's national organization that supports sex workers.

Publications
I regularly write and submit articles to Scarlet Alliance regarding issues that affect sex workers. The articles that I write range from being activist in nature to being more of an educational tool.

Education/Credentials
Law school graduate (Melbourne University). Therefore, I have achieved a Bachelor of Laws.

Past/Present Clients
I currently have dozens of clients who not only engage my services for sex, but also for the purposes of asking my opinion about their sexual circumstances and how they can improve their sex lives. My clients also provide me with an insight into the mind of a functioning, sexual being.

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