Sex Advice/Oral Sex/I think I am asexual

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Question
Hi. I'm 22 years old, female, and I've recently heard of asexuality. I don't know a lot about this, but it kind of fits me. I'm wondering if I'm really asexual so I hope you could help me out with his.
I don't know exactly what sexual attraction is. I mean, I don't look at people and think "I would have sex with him/her". I can see if someone is good looking (judging by today's society's norms) but the only thing that comes in my mind is "I wish I looked like that. I should work out more" :-)
I've also never been in love.
Is this weird? Or sick?
Sometimes I think, if it doesn't hurt me or bother me then it shouldn't matter, right? But all of my friends act like sex is so awesome and that makes me sometimes wonder if I'm missing out or if there's something wrong with me.
I am curious about sex sometimes but I don't think I could ever do it unless I would really really REALLY (!) trust the other person and have feelings for him/her. Which I don't know how it feels.
I do hope one day I will have a relationship because I think hugs and kisses are sweet; but most people focus on the sexual part of the relationship and I'm afraid I'll never find someone like me (not interested in sex).
Anyway, I would really appreciate some advice because I don't have anyone to talk about these things.
Have a wonderful day!

Answer
Hi Stefany,

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction for anyone. There is some debate as to if it is a true sexual orientation or just a very low libido.  In some cases that low libido is the result of hormonal imbalances, stress or even rarely disease. Some even postulate that asexuality could be the result of learned behavior or conditioning, usually the result of suppressed desire brought on by repressive family environment or some kind of sexual trauma. Asexuality is not a disease and is reported to represent less than 1% of the adult population.  

Before you declare yourself asexual, let me suggest you do a little self exploration.  Set the scene by creating a sensual environment. Candles, soft music, chocolate, wine, privacy and get warm and cozy.  Undress and gently explore you body.  Lightly with fingertips touch yourself: breasts, lips, abdomen, butt, inner thighs, and genitals.  Find out what feels good.  Focus only on the sensations. Try that several times and see if you become aroused. This will go a long way in telling you is you are sexual or asexual.

If you are truly asexual and do not become aroused, then understand that there is nothing "wrong" with you.  You can have a very happy and fulfilling life with many close friends.

On my web site, http://changescoaching.com/sex I have the Intimate Couple Store where you can find several books and DVDs as well as other things to help you explore your sexuality.

Enjoy,

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Tom Blair

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Sexual Relationship Coaching. Publish author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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