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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Getting him to go down on you


My boyfriend is 24 and I am 21.  This is the first  time that I'm with a guy that  doesn't know what to do and that is a virgin. I please him (even though I don't feel the same anymore; enjoying when I do it) but I can never get him to give me oral or even to finger  me. When it comes to anything related to sex, he gets shy and doesn't want to talk about it or even having an open mind to a girl teaching him. I've been trying to give him techniques on what to do but still doesn't dare to do anything.  As a woman I have my needs and I don't want to go to a point where I have to get attention somewhere else.

How can I get him to lose that fear??

Hi there Analeigh,

If I were you I would first remind your man that the key to successful sex, and indeed a successful relationship, is communication! We need it for all interactions with human beings, including sex.

You could try finding out what his aversions are to discussing the issue. Perhaps he has suffered a blow to his self esteem at some point. He mayhave experienced trauma before. If this is a ssymptom of something major,  he needs to seek advice from a counsellor or psychologist.

If he is just painfully shy and awkward you need to stress that it is important thar you enjoy yourself two! Sex is not just all about HIS orgasm. Point out that he would most likely not enjoy it if you withheld the sexual things that he enjoys.

He may be a person that just does not like using his finger and his mouth on you. This is not an indictment on him (or you!), but it will obviously make your sex life difficult if you are always feeling unfulfilled.

Also, during sex you can try showing him what to do there and then! If he is uncomfortable you must never pressure him of course.

If none of this works, the two of you should consider visiting a sexologist.

Good luck!


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Sophia Kate


I will answer, with much thought and detail, a variety of questions regarding sex and human sexuality. I can advise people on how best to improve their sex life according to their personal circumstances. I am always ready to provide ideas and suggestions to others if they are struggling to find new and innovative ways to "spice things up". I am unwilling to provide advice that facilitates illegal sexual activities (such as bestiality, sexual assault, etc). That being said, I am always non-judgmental when I do choose to answer a question. Please do not attempt to engage me in "dirty talk" or attempt to engage my services as a prostitute! I am not acting in my capacity as a sex worker on this website. I will answer serious questions only.


I am a professional sex worker. I am a sought-after private escort who has also had experience working in brothels and erotic massage parlors. I believe that this equips me with a vast knowledge of human sexuality and desires. My clients present with a wide array of fetishes and requests, so I have experience in catering to different tastes and fancies. It is this that gives me confidence in my ability to talk to and help others with their sex questions.

Scarlet Alliance- This is Australia's national organization that supports sex workers.

I regularly write and submit articles to Scarlet Alliance regarding issues that affect sex workers. The articles that I write range from being activist in nature to being more of an educational tool.

Law school graduate (Melbourne University). Therefore, I have achieved a Bachelor of Laws.

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I currently have dozens of clients who not only engage my services for sex, but also for the purposes of asking my opinion about their sexual circumstances and how they can improve their sex lives. My clients also provide me with an insight into the mind of a functioning, sexual being.

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