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Hello.  I'm 18 and my girlfriend, of four years, is 19, if that helps or is relevant to the question, and we've been having sex about once a week for a few months now (it was the first time for both of us about 5 months ago).  Alright well last night the two of us were talking about fantasies.  I sent her a "Fantasies Men Have" article I found online, sort of as a joke, considering that 4 of the 5 'fantasies' involved sex with other people, which isn't something we would like to do, hehe.

Anyway, I asked her to tell me any and all fantasies she had and would want to do, regardless of how "weird" she thought they were, since I love my girlfriend and am very open with her.  She told me that she had a fantasy that we role-play as siblings who have a 'forbidden' love and have sex in secret and that their parents would never approve...things of that sort.  I was on board from the start because I think it would be really interesting and fun to do something like that.  However...I have a tendency of over-analyzing things.....

I am up for role-playing, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to differentiate the characters from the real us or will continue thinking about it too much even after we're done.  I realize that this may not be in the right category as it is somewhat more of a psychological problem...I just don't want to ruin the relationship I have with my girlfriend by spending a day role-playing as her brother and then continuing to think about her like that even after that day is over.  My mind tends to wander WAY too much during sex.

I know it's just acting, but like I said, my mind wanders WAY too much during sex and I always over-analyze everything...  We're planning to role-play the whole day, or at least until after sex, to make it more interesting.  Would you advise against this considering my worry?  Against the role-playing altogether?  Any and all advice about the subject would be appreciated.

Thank you very much for your time.

Answer
Hi Kyle,

Roll playing can be fun.  My question is why does she want to have you roll play her brother.  
Does she have a brother?  Or is it that she is simply looking for the forbidden aspect of it?  "Forbidden" fantasies are pretty common. I knew a woman that really got off having sex while talking to her mother on the phone.   Just a tad kinky.  

I don't recommend being in "character" for long periods of time.  If you are talking about days, then the lines between play and real can become blurred.  I also suggest that you vary the rolls and situations.

Now, as for your mind wandering.  The greatest lovers are in the moment, totally committed to the love  making.   Try to focus more on your partner, on her reactions, on her scent, feel, sounds.  Focus on making her squirm with pleasure.  Try to make her and the act the only things on your mind.

Have fun,

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Tom Blair

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Sexual Relationship Coaching. Publish author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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