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Question
So up until about a month ago I had only had sex with one person. I'm 21.

I met a guy and we were talking and when I had sex with him for the firs time I was sooooo nervous. I was already accustomed to someone loving my body and wasn't sure if he would. On top of that, I didn't know how to move with him, but I didn't want him to think I was just going to lay there. And he doesn't make any noise whatsoever! No gasp, no nothing so it's hard for me to tell if I'm doing something he likes or something that turns him on.

He's mentioned that he likes aggressive women, and I can be at times. I like to initiate. But I am naturally a shy person. whenever I try to initiate I get shy and nervous all over again, and it upsets me because I don't want him to lost interest but it's awkward for me to tell him why.. I think.

Any advice on what to do?

Answer
Hi Charlene,

My advice is BE YOURSELF.  He said he likes aggressive women, that probably means he is the shy one and doesn't feel comfortable telling you what he wants.  As far as the moving, most men want to know the woman is into the sex.  That usually means moving the arms and hands with some kissing thrown in.  If there is a lot of torso moving, it can be hard to stay connected.

Conversations are a wonderful way to learn each others wants and needs.  Some time when sex is not emanate try to get a conversation about sex.  After a glass or two of wine so inhibitions are down, say something like:  " I really like you and enjoy our sex times.  I want to be the best lover you have ever had so please tell me what was the most fun you ever had in the bed?"  Find a question that feels right to you.  If that isn't comfortable, try getting a book like the Kama Sutra or Joy of Sex on the coffee table.  If he does not bring it up, ask him if he has ever read it.  The flip it open and ask if he has a favorite.  If you cant find one locally or are too shy to get it, I have the Intimate Couple Store on my web site where you can find books DVDs and toys and accessories for a better sex life.  I think page one of the Books section has those two on it  
http://goo.gl/G3rFIK  Stop by my web site and take a look around.  You might find some interesting reading.

Have fun,

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Tom Blair

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Sexual Relationship Coaching. Publish author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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