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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Having Sex for the First Time


QUESTION: Dear Doug,

I'm about to get married, and my fiance and I are both virgins, becauee of that:
-1.  How do you penetrate so that it won't hurt?
-2.  What does it take, how long does it take to get full penetration deep into the vagina?
-3.  After having sex so many times, can a girl become like "loose canon" and be loose down there, or will she expand and contract the vagina as you have sex?
-4.  Is there always 'some' blood in the vagina, whether she is on her period or not?
-5.  When you penetrate, does the vagina feel 'cold' in there?

Thank You Much

ANSWER: 1.  Take it slowly and use a water-based lube.  You should expect it to hurt the first time.  If it doesn't, you have a bonus.

2.  If your partner is relaxed and not resisting, you can have full penetration in less than a second.

3.  The vagina is pliable.  It can expand and contract to accommodate a penis and a baby's head.  It will not get "stretched out" from intercourse.

4.  This is typical, but there need not be every time.

5.  No.  The vagina is body temperature.  It will never feel cold.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Firstly, thank you so much for a rapid, very geared, and good/straight answers.

A follow-up from question and answer to #4:
The question - Is there always 'some' blood in the vagina, whether she is on her period or not?
Even though you answered, "This is typical, but there need not be every time," > I know there need not be [blood in it] every time.  

However, we are planning to have sex for the first time on our wedding night.  We are both Christian, believe strongly in purity and holiness.   That is why we waited.  I am 35 without ever having sex, and she is 29 without ever having sex.  She got a wedding dress with pearls all over it.  Her family nicknames her pearl because of the healing in her life and her stand for purity.  I call her pearl-bride.  I am going to get the pearl-bride.  Now, she keeps on talking how she wants to make sure she is not on her period the day/night of the wedding.  Yet, I honestly have to admit I used to be scared to have sex with girls on their period with blood in their vagina.  Now, i am intrigued to have sex with her.  And, would like to have sex with her also when she is on her period, but she is working for it not to happen.  

However, even if she is not on her period, will there 'still' be a chance there will be some blood in there [in her vagina], even without being on a period?

Thank You Much Again

Yes, it's possible there will be bleeding during or after sex, even if she's not on her period.  If she still has all or most of her hymen, there could be a very large amount of bleeding the first few times you have intercourse.  If she's significantly eroded her hymen by masturbating internally over the years, then there will be much less bleeding.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I am happy to answer all kinds of questions about sexuality.


I have been answering questions about sexuality from both males and females for over 13 years on my web site I have been an expert on for over four years and am currently an expert in eight sexuality categories. I am the top expert in seven of the eight categories.

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