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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Pleasuring Me Seems Like A Chore To My Girlfriend


My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years now. I'm 24 and she's 21. This is my first relationship ever, and she's only had a brief relationship in high school before me. We've only been sexually active with each other. We have never had intercourse and she wants to wait. We generally only sleep with each other on weekends. Typically we start off kissing and taking each other's clothes off. Then we go to making out and fooling around with each other's bodies. At this point we either go to grinding, or I begin to really finger her or go down on her. The grinding is great for me, but it generally doesn't get her to orgasm. So I really like going down on her and fingering her because I love giving her orgasms. However, After she orgasms, the only thing she does with me is a dry handjob. They're tricky because it's just not comfortable sometimes and it usually takes me a long time to get off from them, if at all. As a result, it seems to have become a chore for her. She doesn't get into it at all, laying pressed beside me, not even able to kiss her, pausing to scratch itches, telling me random stories, even on several occasions falling asleep. Half the time now, she won't even try, and will just go to sleep after I've pleasured her and I get nothing in return. I feel like if she was able to get me off better, she would enjoy it more.

Up until a couple months ago, she had never given me a blowjob and only did it then because I finally asked her to. Before then, I had always told her she didn't have to do anything she wasn't comfortable with whenever the subject came up. I couldn't take it anymore. So she had me in an awkward position and told me not to watch. It was too much pressure for us both so we gave up. The next time I asked was slightly better, but still too much pressure. Since then she's given me maybe 4 blowjobs, all a success (taking it out before the final moment). The catch is that I've still had to ask for all but one of them. And the last time was a morning session. She ended up with her entire mouth around her lips red for the day. Now she associates that with blowjobs. So if she ever has to go out the next day, it's unlikely that I'll be getting many more of those.

Am I doomed to infrequent dry handjobs? How do I get her to feel the way I do about getting her off?

Usually this problem is the other way around.  If your girlfriend doesn't want to satisfy you after she's had her orgasm, then you need to change your batting order.  I suspect this will be only a temporary measure, as I expect you will be having vaginal intercourse soon, from which you can each derive pleasure.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


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