Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Sex
QUESTION: I have been married 30 years my wife is quite good looking. She is not interested in oral at all but will allow me to do it occasionally. I have a desire to go down on her after intercourse but somehow loose my drive after I ejaculate. How can I overcome this? I think she would enjoy it.
ANSWER: Hi Pat,
Many women associate oral sex with something unclean. That is unfortunate because many women only get orgasm with oral sex.
Are you a one and done guy? Ejaculate and roll over and go to sleep? You don't need an erection to give her oral. Just do it. Plan on it and think about it while you are having sex. Anticipate the fun and surprise you are going to give her. Then after you ejaculate will yourself to just pull out and go down. I bet that while you are doing that you will become aroused again and just maybe you will both ave a multiple orgasm night.
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QUESTION: Thanks for advice. I think the just "will" yourself will help. I agree that she might think oral as dirty down there but I also know she feels it is less intimate because it's down there and she is "up" here. In other words she feels like we were made to be face to face and toe to toe and to reverse that would be to ignore "her". How can I help her understand that by my paying attention to down there is every bit as intimate as paying attention to looking in her eyes?
There is a technique used by may sex therapists called the sensate exercise. The purpose of the exercise is to get the couple comfortable with each other and their own body in a sensual way.
In simple terms, you take sex off the table, and explore each others body with fingertips, lips and tongue. It is often done with one of the parties blind folded. For instance, your wife lies on the bed nude, lights down low, soft music. You sensually explore her body, very slowly and gently. Start with her fingertips and move down each arm, her ears and throat, shoulders and so forth. Don't forget her back. Just above the swell of her hips is very sensitive. This exerciser will help her see that here are a great many erogenous areas on her body and that when you make love to her you want to make love to all of her.
Her job in this exercise is to relax and allow you to explore and to allow her senses to be in control.