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Question
Hi there, My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for about a year and three quarters and have been having sex for probably a little over a year. I am 19 and she is 18 and we have a good sexual relationship. We talk about what feels good and when we want to try new things and we are both super open and enjoy ourselves. The problem is she has never achieved orgasm... ever, in her entire life. She doesn't and has never masturbated. She does get please from sex and oral sex but it never seems enough. She also said that she has felt close to orgasm when we where having intercourse but she was scared about it and I think that put her off. Another thing is she said it feels like she might pee accidentally, and that I am sure puts her off too. I am just asking this question because I would really love for our sexual life to keep growing and I think a big step would be to make her cum. Is there any tips or help you can offer in this area? I would be so appreciative. Thanks.

Answer
She would have an easier time learning to orgasm by doing it herself than doing it with you.  She ought to give masturbating a try.  As you know, it's fun, even if one doesn't have an orgasm.  So by masturbating she could explore what she enjoys and maybe teach herself to have orgasms too.

It would also be a good idea to put a towel under her during sex and her masturbating so that she will not worry about urine leakage getting on anything.  Once a person gets in the habit of regular sexual functioning, they know the difference and don't worry about that anymore.  She will obviously enjoy sex more if she isn't worried about urine.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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