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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Can't Orgasm During Sex (Male)

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Hello. I have been having sex for a little over a year now, with the same person I have been with for the last 6 years. We've had a very active, enjoyable, and in my opinion healthy sex life since we first started dating, but waited to have vaginal sex until we were both ready to commit to one another. When we started having sex, things were okay at best. We had issues with the first condoms we were using; the base was too tight and left a deep ring in my penis, so we switched to others, to mixed results, but we've found some now that usually don't bunch up, slip off, or have any other issues.

The main issue is that I can't orgasm during sex. In the last year, I have only had an orgasm maybe 10 times. I don't have an issue when it comes to masturbation or foreplay type of things; it's only from sex. I've tried not masturbating for a week or two, and we usually do lots of foreplay, including getting me close to orgasm before quickly putting a condom on and having sex. We have a number of favorite positions, so things don't get boring, so it's not an interest issue. Nothing has helped me. I also thought it might be a worry about getting her pregnant, so I've decided that anytime I do start to cum, even if I have a condom on I will pull out. This has definitely made it easier for me, mentally, but I still can't orgasm.

Usually during sex, everything goes well and we it feels really great, but it starts to build up and then falls flat and then sex doesn't really feel like anything if that happens.

We have tried sex without a condom (we're both clean of STI's and she is on the pill, but we both still worry about pregnancy, so we prefer to have a visual confirmation that the birth control works). The one time we did that, everything went really well and I got very close to an orgasm before I stopped myself (again, didn't want to risk anything).

One last bit of information is that I can't pull my foreskin back over the head of my penis. It has never caused me any discomfort during sex, and has caused some issues with condoms, but we've worked those types of issues out. But I wanted to mention that in case it matters. Thank you for your help.

Answer
I don't see where you indicated a cause of your anorgasmia.  For some males, it is a history of masturbating with too much force, particularly masturbating in the prone position.  (See http://www.healthystrokes.com to learn more about the dangers of masturbating prone.)  For other males, a history of masturbating with too much force makes it difficult for them to reach orgasm vaginally.  For them, I recommend a toy called the Super Head Honcho, available on Amazon and Drugstore.com.  It trains a male to use a lighter grip.

Some males have organic causes of anorgasmia, which should be ruled out by a doctor.  SSRI (anti-depressant uses) causes anorgasmia in many of the males who take it.

It would be easier to address your anorgasmia if the cause were known.

Also, you might try some larger condoms like the Lifestyles Kyng or the Trojan Magnum.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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