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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Can't Orgasm After Penetration - At A Real Loss!

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Hey, so - this isn't about vaginal orgasms. I can't have those, I've tried forever: it's all clitoral for me.

When I have sex with my male partner I can never orgasm. Worst of all, for hours afterwards even with masturbating myself I can't get off either. My brain will drive me crazy right to the edge but won't let me orgasm. I explored this a bit further, using fingers or a dildo in my masturbation alone, and found that when I used a dildo or aggressive fingering, I also couldn't orgasm from clitoral stimulation for hours afterwards.

My partner is very understanding and patient, and he does everything he can to help me out. We're still trying to understand. I just can't work out why it's like this? It's almost like there's a switch inside me that gets pressed, or a circuit that breaks, stopping me from coming.

Though I am fairly shy I'm not sexually repressed. I've never been sexually assaulted, and penetration (particularly with this partner, and with the size of dildo I used) isn't painful for me. I'm at the end of my rope and scared he will feel insufficient because he can't give me pleasure the way I can him. I just want to know the answer!

- B.M.

Answer
Have you tried masturbating while you're having intercourse?  That helps a lot of women get to orgasm during sex.  Some positions are easier than others to let the woman get her hand in without interfering with the man.  I would give that a try while you continue to work on having vaginal orgasms.

There are also think latex rings that can hold a small vibrator to the penis around the area where it would make clitoral contact with the woman.  Those are available at large drug and discount stores.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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