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Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Is possible for a complete heterosexual man being attracted exclusively to (heterosexual) anal sex?


QUESTION: Goodevening Mr. Adams,

I consider myself a complete heterosexual man, even if I'm still a virgin (23 years old), in fact I do not feel attracted to men (even if it were, I would NOT feel ashamed); instead I feel attracted to women. [Anyway, I've never had any girlfriend so far because 1) I'm very shy about love but, more important, 2) Because my aesthetic tastes are very difficult to meet]. Back to my issue: I feel attracted to women, yes, but not at all to vagina. Even in porn videos I watch, that organ does not excite me, at all. [The only case in which I could have to deal with it -and I'm not sure- would be for pleasing my partner]. Instead I feel tremendously attracted to anal sex (but only if my partner wish it as well as me). [Blowjobs, tits, and all that stuff also excite me anyway].

Is the way I feel sexual attraction almost unique or are there cases similar to mine?

Neither I know the percentage of heterosexual men and women who enjoy anal sex, so I don't know if revealing appreciation for heterosexual anal sex could be judged by people as a strange thing, something to be ashamed of. Or, then again, if revealing appreciation for "EXCLUSIVELY anal sex (heterosexual)", like I do, could be judged by people in a similar way, if not worse. So far, I've not told anyone this "secret".

I would be extremely grateful to hear your point of view about all this.

Thank you in advance,


ANSWER: You seem to have very firm preferences for someone who's never been sexually active.  I would urge you to find a woman that you desire and get to know her.  Once you've actually experienced a vagina, you are apt to feel differently about it from someone who's only read about them or seen them in pictures or porn.  You mention being excited by oral sex, breasts, and the like.  Go with that.  See where it leads you.  

Not very many women are keen on having anal sex.  Most enjoy vaginal sex greatly, not only because of what it does for them, but because of how it works for their partners.  I think you owe it to yourself to try it before rejecting it.

Some heterosexual men (about 10 percent) have anal sex with women, but closer to 100 percent enjoy vaginal intercourse.

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QUESTION: I think you are right: I should definetly try something before establishing an inamovible point of view about it. Anyway I still do not understand how people (women, in particular) would react if I openly revealed an hypothetical (or eventually real) interest (or even strong preference) for heterosexual anal sex. Sadly, I learnt not to publicly show my deepest emotions, usual uncommon tastes (not only sexually speaking), inner thoughts because most of times they were considered very strange, if not crazy.

Don't worry about how "people" will react; find an individual person who wants to be your sex partner and tell her that you want to try a particular kind of sex.  See if she is willing to try it or not.  Maybe she will be OK with it; maybe you won't even like it and will never want to try it again.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I am happy to answer all kinds of questions about sexuality.


I have been answering questions about sexuality from both males and females for over 13 years on my web site I have been an expert on for over four years and am currently an expert in eight sexuality categories. I am the top expert in seven of the eight categories.

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