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Question
i have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months now and i have a really high sex drive, my boyfriend is always to tired to have sex and i try being spontaneous and sexy but nothing works he literally refuses to have sex with me because he is tired or not in the mood and its bringing me down, I dont know what else to do, when i tell him how i feel about it, he just says thats just the way i am but yet he use to love having sex with me and i know he use to watch alot of porn but this is when he was taking recreational drugs alot and now his been sober for 2 months and he just hasnt been into ever since. He never goes down on me either which kills me because its my favorite thing when it comes to sex and whenever we do in a blue moon have sex it will last for 2 mins with hardly any foreplay and never tries to make me cum and im getting so sexually frustrated, i do masturbate but i really want and miss having my mans touch, its slowly killing our relationship :( what should i do?

Answer
I get the feeling you two are sexually incompatible.  No matter how tired they are, men are generally able to find time and energy for sex with a woman they desire.  It might be worthwhile for you to date other men and see if you can find a relationship that works better.  Don't break things off completely with the current boyfriend; you want to be able to pick things up if you get into a better situation sexually and otherwise together.

Also, your boyfriend is having addiction and recovery issues.  Lots of people want to avoid sexual entanglements when they are early in recovery.  These things are probably all connected.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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